Just for Laugh - Adult themes jokes

Ray06 · #1 07-05-2009, 07:47 PM

To make it straight, she pulls it..
To make it stand, she rubs it.
To make it stiff, she licks it.
To put it in, she pushes it.
It's hell of a job threading a needle!!!

Girl in cinema turns sideways and whispers to her boyfriend.
'The man next to me is masturbating!'
Bf: 'Ignore him.'
Gf: 'I can't.'
Bf: 'Why not?'
Gf: 'He is using my hand!'

CptPlanet · #2 08-05-2009, 09:53 AM

Nice jokes to read about on a Friday morning.

tigerboy18 · #3 08-05-2009, 03:19 PM

LOL! nice one bro! pls come back n give us more!

Criminalz · #4 08-05-2009, 04:09 PM

come on..theres already a joke thread. join there..

Iwankalot · #5 08-05-2009, 04:23 PM

Can I contribute a joke?
Here goes:

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

And that concludes my first post ever

Bangster · #6 08-05-2009, 04:24 PM

that thread is spilling with unfunny and repeated jokes

i see this thread going the same way sooner or later

koolAid · #7 08-05-2009, 07:01 PM

Nice joke!

Not original but I do save some jokes I think are funny.

The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY! "

Ray06 · #8 09-05-2009, 08:42 AM

Apologise for starting a similar thread.
As for those who find jokes are repeated, please bear with it and allow others to share and have fun ...

A loving husband had 'I Love You' tattoed on his dick.
When he got home, he showed it to his wife.
She said, 'There u go again, trying to put words in my mouth.'

Unborn twins saw a penis approaching.
1st: Papa coming, papa coming.
2nd: U fool, it's uncle lah. Papa never comes with raincoat!

A guy donated blood to his girlfriend. When they broke up, he wanted his blood back.
The girl threw a bloody kotex at him and said, I'll pay you in monthly installment

kim-seng-heng · #9 09-05-2009, 08:48 AM

Great one!! More pls

jasmine17 · #10 09-05-2009, 10:35 AM

not too bad

FiveDots · #11 09-05-2009, 08:15 PM

Why are there two joke threads ?

koolAid · #12 10-05-2009, 02:06 AM

haha, nice jokes

There was a guy riding through the desert on his camel. He had been travelling so long that he felt the need to have sex. Obviously there were no women in the desert so the man turned to his camel.
He tried to position himself to have sex with his camel but the camel ran away. The man ran to catch up to the camel and got back on and started to ride again. Soon he was feeling the urge to have sex again so once again he turned to his camel. The camel refused by running away. So he caught up to it again and go on it again.
Finally after riding the camel through the whole desert the man came to a road. There was a broken down car with three big chested beautiful blondes sitting in it.
He went up to them and asked the women if they needed any help.
The hottest girl said ,"If you fix our car we will do anything you want."
The man luckily knew a thing or two about cars and fixed it in a flash.
When he finished are three girls asked, "How could we ever repay you Mr."
After thinking for a short while he replied,"Could you hold my camel?"

Ray06 · #13 11-05-2009, 07:26 PM

How about these...

The Bio teacher draws a huge PENIS on the board and asks 'Does anybody know what this is?
Dirty Harry says 'Oh, it's a penis and you know my dad's got 2 of them?'
The teacher says '2 of them?'
Harry says 'ya! the little one he uses to pee, and the big one to brush mum's teeth.'

4 miracles of a woman
Getting wet without taking a shower
Bleeding without getting hurt
Giving milk without eating grass
Making boneless meat hard.

koolAid · #14 11-05-2009, 10:34 PM

Wahahaha, Bro Ray, very nice ones~!!

A Father's Last Request

A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall,
while the youngest son had black hair, dark eyes, and was short.

The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said,
"Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me - is our youngest son my child?"

The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son."

With that the husband passed away. The wife then muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."

A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they
wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it.

They decided on the word Typewriter.

One day the husband told his five-year-old daughter, "Go tell your mommy
that daddy needs to type a letter."

The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded, "Tell
your daddy that he can't type a letter right now cause there is a red
ribbon
in the typewriter." The child went back to tell her father what mommy said.

A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type
that letter now."

The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy
said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."

Ray06 · #15 14-05-2009, 06:47 PM

What is the smallest hotel in the world?
The answer is 'Vagina Inn'
It accomodates only 1 standing occupant with his 2 baggages left outside

A hubby said to his wife, 'I will take a photo of your breast and frame it..'
The wife said to husband, 'I will take a photo of your penis and enlarge it.'

Lady was trying on a dress.
Husband: 'Your bum is as big as a BBQ pit!'
Later in bed, husband said, 'Want to do it?'
Wife: 'It's a waste lighting up a BBQ pit for a small sausage.'