Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[Hurricane88]

Joke time...😉

*Bob returned from a Doctor's visit and told his wife Alma that the Doctor said he only had 24 hours to live.*

Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love.

Six hours later, Bob went to her again, and said, "Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?" Alma agreed and again they made love.

Later, Bob was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left.

He touched Alma's shoulder and said, "Honey Please? Just one more time before I die." She agreed, then afterwards she rolled over and fell asleep.

Bob, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours.

He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. "Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?"

His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said :

*"Listen Bob, I have to get up in the morning for your funeral & You don't have to get up !!!*
😅🤪👌🏽😍😘

[Hurricane88]

🐓 *_Another Cock Story_*
A farmer owns 25 young hens and one old cock. As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock 🐓 from the market.
Old cock to Young cock.
Old cock: Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.
Young cock: What do you mean? As far as I know, you are old & should be retired.
Old cock: Young boy, there are 25 hens here, can't I help you with some? 🐓
Young cock: No!! Not even one, all of them will be mine.
Old cock: In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition & if I win you shall allow me to have one hen & if I lose you will have all. 🐓
Young cock: OKKK.. What kind of competition?
Old cock: 50 meters run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters. 🐓
Young cock: No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.
In the morning the Young cock allows the Old cock to start off & when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock chases 🐓 him with all his might.
Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock's back 🐓in a matter of seconds.
Suddenly..."BANG"💥!!!
Before he could overtake the old cock, he was shot dead by the farmer ... who cursed, : "Hell" This is the 5th GAY cock I've bought this week."
Moral: beware of senior experience in Corporate politics !!!!!😀😅😂
In Hokkien, 'don't mess with 'lau chiau'! 🤭🤭

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[ah rat]

_______________

[Hurricane88]

Originally Posted by ah rat

_______________

I about to post too.... thanks for sharing...

[jacky43]

Yesterday night on CNA. Dawn interview an ang mo dr in USA. He kept on repeating Gay sex. Men on men. Dawn tried to distance from these because of not allowed to go to the point.

That's been it, might as well dont interview doctors. Many times the people in charged of this country mess up the situation. Perhaps Dawn pretend she is uncomfortble? We will never know.

Dear Dawn if u r reading this, thanks for the news on Monkeypox. I kind of like u with Liz and Jill. Strong and beautifully! So is Wei So prettier then 5 yrs ago. No more "tom boy". No more.

[candeo_88]

*Dating a Chinese girl...

*I asked a Chinese girl if she would come out with me for a date and I asked her number so that I could call her.
She got all excited and said: "SEX SEX SEX FREE SEX TONIGHT" ..
wow such an open girl !...
but then, my friend told me what she really said was

*6 6 6 3 6 2 9.8....*

[candeo_88]

All the organs of the body were having a meeting,
trying to decide who was the one in charge.


"I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."


"I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."


"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache,
the stomach was bloated,
the legs got wobbly,
the eyes got watery,
and the blood was toxic.
They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

The Moral of the story?
Even though the others do all the work...
The ass hole is usually in charge

[Hurricane88]

Maggie
Maggie, a blonde city girl, marries a New Zealand dairy farmer.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, farmer Pat says to Maggie, "The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the post just above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?"

So then the farmer leaves for the fields.

After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Maggie takes him down to the barn.

They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one... right here."

Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another dumb blonde, the man asks, "Tell me lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?"

"That's simple. By the nail over its stall", Maggie explains very confidently.

Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?"

She turns and walks away, and with complete confidence, says, "I guess it's to hang your trousers on."

[Hurricane88]

[Samkieu]

Originally Posted by ah rat

_______________

I saw a video how monkeypox came about.

A monkey fark a chicken and mixed chickenpox became monkeypox.

[acidicavex]

from minion quotes

On my application forms, whenit says who to contact in an emergency..
i will put ambulance or the police...

i mean what the hell is my family member gonna do??

[acidicavex]

Going the extra mile to play the game

[jacky43]

What is the different btw a born local here, and a new citizen? One more step. A foreign man who volunteer for NS, & apply pink IC and received it?

Chinese has this wise words. The answer is on your hands, look no further.

Printed on the pink ICs and red passports. Mine. Place of birth/ country of birth. Singapore.

Foreigners migrate into this country. Their r printed their country of origin. Using this red dot as stepping stone to UK and USA? The ang mo gov allreally knew this new citizens are not born in Spore. Good luck to your application to settle down in western countries.

[ah rat]

_____________________