Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread] - Page 764

diputs1269 · #**11446** 10-01-2020, 10:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

TGIF jokes...

Good one, just nice for a Friday night, cheers!

thanksgiving · #**11447** 11-01-2020, 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by charlienicholas

Your jokes were hilarious! Thank you so much.

Agreed with you and I think so too.

quay · #**11448** 11-01-2020, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by diputs1269

Good one, just nice for a Friday night, cheers!

Sure agreed.

countrypumpkin · #**11449** 11-01-2020, 01:36 PM

Tq for nice jokes. Please share more.

danar8 · #**11450** 11-01-2020, 03:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

TGIF jokes...

Damn funny one bro LOL

lowcust · #**11451** 11-01-2020, 03:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Now, I'm embarrassed to say this, but this horse had an erection, and my daughter was fascinated. As a bunch of tourists gathered around the horse, feeding and petting him, she yelled out, "Daddy! That horse has a penis -- like you!"

I was mortified until I noticed that the women in the crowd seemed to be staring at me in admiration.

Nice share, thanks bro bigbirdbird

Kongressional · #**11452** 11-01-2020, 03:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Wahahaha just like me

Hurricane88 · #**11453** 13-01-2020, 04:50 AM

Muslim wife 🧕🏻to Her 👳🏻‍♂ husband, "You know today when I came out from the bathroom in the towel, Nasir the gardener saw me!" 😕
👳🏻‍♂"oh my god! Are you serious!! ya allah then what did you do”?
🧕🏻"what could I do?
I removed the towel to cover my head quickly!!" 🙈 🤣 😂 😂

Hurricane88 · #**11454** 13-01-2020, 07:16 AM

Should children witness childbirth?

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a torch high over her mummy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.

Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked.

Mary pushed and pushed and after a little while, Peter was born.

The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Peter began to cry.

The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

Kathleen quickly responded,

"He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place.... smack his arse again!"

If you don't laugh at this one, there is no hope for you!

Hurricane88 · #**11455** 13-01-2020, 07:20 AM

Monday blues jokes...

diputs1269 · #**11456** 13-01-2020, 05:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Monday blues jokes...

Oh no, after seeing this more blue, cheers anyway!

FleshAlong · #**11457** 13-01-2020, 06:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Muslim wife 🧕🏻to Her 👳🏻‍♂ husband, "You know today when I came out from the bathroom in the towel, Nasir the gardener saw me!" 😕
👳🏻‍♂"oh my god! Are you serious!! ya allah then what did you do”?
🧕🏻"what could I do?
I removed the towel to cover my head quickly!!" 🙈 🤣 😂 😂

Very good one, thanks bro!!!

bigbirdbird · #**11458** 13-01-2020, 07:31 PM

Dog in Heat

A dog lover, whose bitch was 'in heat' agreed to look after her neighbor's male dog while they were away on holiday.

She had a large house and believed that she could keep them apart, but as she was drifting off to sleep one night, she heard awful howling sounds.

She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious stress and unable to disengage, as can sometimes happen when they mate.

She was unable to separate them and was worried as what to do next.

Although it was late at night, she called the Vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.

Having explained the problem to him, the Vet advised, "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the sound of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and be able to withdraw."

"Do you think that will work?" she asked doubtfully.

"Why not? It just did for me." He replied.

bigbirdbird · #**11459** 13-01-2020, 07:32 PM

A Texan at a Restaurant

A Texan enters a restaurant, and while sitting at his table, notices a gorgeous woman sitting at another table, alone.

He calls the waiter over and asks for the most expensive bottle of champagne to be sent over to her knowing that if she accepts it, she is his.

The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying this is from the gentleman.

She looks at the champagne and decides to send a note with the bottle back over to the Texan.

The note reads: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, $1M in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."

The Texan, after reading this note, sends one of his own back to her and it reads: "Just so you know I happen to have TWO Mercedes in my garage, I have over $2M in the bank, but not even for YOU, would I cut off 2 inches from my penis! Sorry, honey."

bigbirdbird · #**11460** 13-01-2020, 07:34 PM

Best Toast

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the ‘Best toast of the Night’."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John thought a moment, and then said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, " John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. "Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep."