Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[lipe]

One rainy night a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley. Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door.

Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet naked woman sitting in the back seat.

“Where to?” he stammered.

“Central Station,” answered the woman.

“OK,” he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.

The woman caught him staring at her and asked, “Just what the hell are you looking at, driver?”

“Well, ma’am, I noticed that you’re completely naked, and I was just wondering how you’ll pay your fare.”

The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said, “Does THIS answer your question?”

Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, “Got anything smaller?”

[lipe]

A nun gets into a cab in New York. She demurely says in a small, high voice, “Could you please take me to Times Square?”

In a thick Brooklyn accent the cab driver initiates conversation, “Hey, sista, that’s kinda a long drive. You mind if we, like, chat?”

The nun says, “Why no, my son, whatever is on your mind?”

The cab driver says, “About dis celibacy thing. Are you telling me you never think about doin’ it?”

The nun replies, “Why certainly, my son, the thought has crossed my mind a time or two. I am of weak human flesh, you understand.”

The driver says, “Well, would ya ever consider, you know, doin’ it?”

The nun replies, “Well, I suppose under certain conditions, in a very unique circumstance, I might consider it.”

The cab driver says, “Well what would those conditions happen to be?”

The nun replies, “Well, he’d have to be Catholic, unmarried and could certainly have no children.”

The cab driver says, “Well, sista, today is your lucky day. I am all three. Why don’t youse come on up here...I won’t even make you really break your vows. All you gotta do is go down on me.”

The nun looks around: They are awfully far away from where anyone would recognize her. At the next light she gets into the front with the driver.

By the next light, the nun is getting back into the rear of the cab, and the cab driver is smiling from ear to ear.

As she settles in, the nun hears the cab driver begin to laugh.

The nun inquires, “Why, my son, what is so humorous?”

The cab driver sneers, “Sista, I got ya. I’m Protestant, I’m married, and I’ve got four kids.”

And from the back of the cab comes the nun’s low-voiced response, “Yeah, well my name’s Dave and I’m on my way to a costume party.”

[bitofnonsense]

Originally Posted by lipe

And from the back of the cab comes the nun’s low-voiced response, “Yeah, well my name’s Dave and I’m on my way to a costume party.”

Hahaha damn funny, nice share bro

[5g4g]

Great jokes and nice to read here. Damn funny too.!

[projana49]

Originally Posted by 5g4g

Great jokes and nice to read here. Damn funny too.!

Tell you what, you are damn right!

[lephonghong]

Originally Posted by lipe

“Well, Sam, remember a few years ago when you really wanted to be president of the fishing club and you were 97 votes short...”

97? hahahaa nice share bro

[StrongBrew]

One day little Johnny with his aunt went to a zoo.
Little Johnny pointed to a donkey that had a black and long erected penis more than 20 inches length.
So he asked his aunt what was that.
His aunt responded: "That is nothing"
On the other month when he with his mother went to the zoo accidentally they met the same donkey with his long dick.
Johnny pointing to it said to his mother: "Mommi my aunt told me that it was nothing."
His mother laughed and said: "My dear it is nothing for your aunt!"

[etsys]

Another lol

[lobangkingz]

Originally Posted by StrongBrew

One day little Johnny with his aunt went to a zoo.
Little Johnny pointed to a donkey that had a black and long erected penis more than 20 inches length.
So he asked his aunt what was that.
His aunt responded: "That is nothing"
On the other month when he with his mother went to the zoo accidentally they met the same donkey with his long dick.
Johnny pointing to it said to his mother: "Mommi my aunt told me that it was nothing."
His mother laughed and said: "My dear it is nothing for your aunt!"

haha, this joke is nice.

[Hurricane88]

A young woman walks into a Chartered accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her tax Returns.

The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask you a few questions.”

He gets her name, address etc. And then asks, ”What’s your occupation?”

“I’m a prostitute,” she says.

The accountant is taken aback and says, “That's too gross. Let’s try to re-phrase that."

The woman says, “OK, I’m a high-end call girl”.

“No, that still won’t work. Need something more acceptable."

They both think for a minute; then the woman says, “I’m an elite poultry farmer.”

The accountant asks, “What does poultry farming have to do with being a prostitute?”

“Well, I raised a thousand cocks last year.”

Chartered Acct : “Brilliant !! "Poultry Farmer" it is !!! and agricultural income is tax free"

🐓 🐓 🐓🐓. 😱😳🤔😊😃😂🤣🤪

[letshigh5]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

A yo

They both think for a minute; then the woman says, “I’m an elite poultry farmer.”

Really funny joke. Thanks and pls post more.

[5g4g]

Great jokes and RLMAO.

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

A young woman walks into

The accountant asks, “What does poultry farming have to do with being a prostitute?”

“Well, I raised a thousand cocks last year.”

Chartered Acct : “Brilliant !! "Poultry Farmer" it is !!! and agricultural income is tax free"

🐓 🐓 🐓🐓. 😱😳🤔😊😃😂🤣🤪

[dailymirror]

Bump for more jokes!!

[mcpussface]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

🐓 🐓 🐓🐓. 😱😳🤔😊😃😂🤣🤪

Hahaha so funny, tks and please share more.

[projana49]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

The accountant is taken aback and says, “That's too gross. Let’s try to re-phrase that."

Very nice joke AOLFM.