Sexless Marriage...

[rams]

Originally Posted by jag_71

Rams,

GENERAL COMMENT TO ALL SEXLESS MARRIED PPL HERE : Have you talked to your partner, and, actually asked them the question "Why don't you like sex ?"

Oh, we've spoke umpteenth time over this issue, he recognises it as an issue but he choses to not do anything about it. The various reason he has given includes the following:

1. He is tired
2. He has no money
3. He used to be an alcoholic and that could have had a adverse effect on his libido
4. Sex is not his priority, he would rather go partying with friends, look after his fishes, etc

I did suspect he was bonking someone else on the side and I did find out he was exceptionally close to some girls but he claimed that it wasn't for sex. What I dun understand is what is it about me that doesn't call for his desire..

So can I conclude that he is not normal?

[Squall]

Originally Posted by rams

Oh, we've spoke umpteenth time over this issue, he recognises it as an issue but he choses to not do anything about it. The various reason he has given includes the following:

1. He is tired
2. He has no money
3. He used to be an alcoholic and that could have had a adverse effect on his libido
4. Sex is not his priority, he would rather go partying with friends, look after his fishes, etc

I did suspect he was bonking someone else on the side and I did find out he was exceptionally close to some girls but he claimed that it wasn't for sex. What I dun understand is what is it about me that doesn't call for his desire..

So can I conclude that he is not normal?

Hi Rams, I read thru your thread, & thought 2 myself that u having sex once a week with ur hubby isn't too bad. Quite a few bros here I think do it with their wives less frequently than that. There r lots of reasons why he might b behaving the way he is, & u have spent some time 2 analyse quite well. However, the root of the issue I surmise is not the frequency of sex, but that in general, u feel undesired.

The key question is: Do u think he still luvs u? Outside of sex, do he treat u well? U know, remember birthdays, anniversaries, surprise u with hugs, worries about your health & well-being etc? If not, why? Cos of the reasons u stated above, or something else?

The answer I think may b found in that.

[jag_71]

Originally Posted by rams

Oh, we've spoke umpteenth time over this issue, he recognises it as an issue but he choses to not do anything about it. The various reason he has given includes the following:

1. He is tired
2. He has no money
3. He used to be an alcoholic and that could have had a adverse effect on his libido
4. Sex is not his priority, he would rather go partying with friends, look after his fishes, etc

I did suspect he was bonking someone else on the side and I did find out he was exceptionally close to some girls but he claimed that it wasn't for sex. What I dun understand is what is it about me that doesn't call for his desire..

So can I conclude that he is not normal?

RAMS,

My heart goes out for you.... this is going to hurt, but I have to say this....

HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU........(anymore?)

This guy is not normal....

1. He is tired - bullshit.... no matter how tired I am, if wife want sex, I would happily provide....
2. He has no money - um, so ??? need to pay for sex is it ??? u his wife lah....
3. He used to be an alcoholic and that could have had a adverse effect on his libido - BULLSHIT......
4. Sex is not his priority, he would rather go partying with friends, look after his fishes, etc - So it means he dun care about what matters to you......

With this attitude..... leave him, and find someone who appreciates you.....


Sorry, to be blunt, but sheesh this guy is way unusual......

[TTI-INT]

A man walks into the drug store and asks for a packet of Viagra. the propietor says they cannot sell Viagra without a referal from his doctor...

SO the man says, "listen I dont have a referal but will a photo of my wife do"

[TTI-INT]

My first marrige broke down because I no longer had sex with my wife. She was beautiful and loved sex and passion and love.

We would make love often. Often she would wear lingere and coax me into bed even if i was not in the mood.

But then one day I went out with my friends and slept with another woman. Although I loved my wife I had cheated and started to see the other woman all the time even though she was not as beautiful and sexy as my wife.

At the same time the guilt i felt meant that i could not have sex with my wife. I just could not get hard with her.

Eventually she left me for another. But i do not resent her for this.

My advise to you is to leave him. If he is not seeing someone else he will eventually.

[thamkngw]

Originally Posted by rams

2. He has no money

for guys, this could be a big zapper that you earn more than him,especially as a man grows older, he becomes more conscious of his social status.

This is my opinion, i feel that guys who suddenly feels like rearing fish either has too much money and time and likes some peace and quiet, or has too much pent up feelings.

[KingEros]

[QUOTE=rams]

Originally Posted by KingEros

IMHO, he's lost interest of you ... as a sex object, that's all.
He was never interested in me in the first place.

Are you suggesting that this was the case already ... before you even married him?? Then, may I humbly ask why you chose him ... over the many who sang praises of you in the past??

Originally Posted by rams

He would rather spend time with friends, his fishes & everything else but me.

Like I said, he's definitely lost interest in you ... probably only looked upon you as a baby-making machine, which has now even lost that market value following your delivery of the only child that he wanted??

Originally Posted by rams

To get sex from another party? This has crossed my mind but its not the route I would choose, what I'm yearning for is the affection and love. Infidelity is not in my dictionary.

If it has crossed your mind, then how can INFIDELITY not be found in your dictionary??
But I'm a very liberal philosophist ... as long as you ensure noone gets hurt, anything is fine in my books. In your case, I can only suggest a couple of routes you could choose:
1) tell him in no uncertain terms your frustrations ... perhaps even setting him an ultimatum (eg divorce)
2) take care of your own frustrations ... with one or two TRUSTED part-time lovers (trusted means they also want nothing more than the physical/emotional presence)
BTW, what you yearn for (affection & love), they do not exist in flings but can be found in a trusted carnal relationship ... TRUST me.

[KingEros]

Originally Posted by jag_71

1. He is tired - bullshit.... no matter how tired I am, if wife want sex, I would happily provide....
2. He has no money - um, so ??? need to pay for sex is it ??? u his wife lah....
3. He used to be an alcoholic and that could have had a adverse effect on his libido - BULLSHIT......
4. Sex is not his priority, he would rather go partying with friends, look after his fishes, etc - So it means he dun care about what matters to you......

Agree with you totally ... less:
1. He is tired - this can be true, IF he was bonking someone else on the side

Dun bother about pouring out the blunt truth ... rather the short pain now than the more enduring one which could last forever!!!

[Castrol]

Originally Posted by rams

1. He is tired
2. He has no money
3. He used to be an alcoholic and that could have had a adverse effect on his libido
4. Sex is not his priority, he would rather go partying with friends, look after his fishes, etc

?

good grief... i used to be like this when in my 20s, all the 4 points except i had dogs instead of fishes. most of my ex girlfriends couldnt last 6 months with me, but the lack of sex wasnt the issue then. their parting last words for me were usually "you only want to fuck!"

[hohoho613]

Hi sista Rams,
Sorry to hear ur sorrow, but i must say is tat he is having side dishes.
wat ever excuses he gave is lame.
Take care and wish u well

[japboy]

Originally Posted by rams

Oh, we've spoke umpteenth time over this issue, he recognises it as an issue but he choses to not do anything about it.

if he recognise d problem but refuse to do anything, ur r/s is getting stagnant... be prepared.

i dun do fishes.

[wow69]

Originally Posted by gent

Dear plain,

I think u are right as in we need to be more patient(with our wives) and hopefully our sexlife will return to normal "gradually". Yes, I strongly agree with u that women need attentions and by "wooing" them again(like during courtship) will most probably grind out some "sparks". But remember this, once there is a kid, our wives will focus 100% or even more on the kid. We can make plenty of arrangement(Overseas trip, valentines day celebration, Anniver day, birthdays etc). The first question our wives will ask is "how abt our kid?". The truth is they will want to bring along the kid if going overseas, for dinner on our birthdays etc etc...

I am sorry if I offended any women with my comments... All these is purely my frustration and in fact after I "off-loaded" all my frustration here, I feel much better.

Frankly speaking, its normal for the woman to feel tat way coz yr baby was part of her for a whole 9 mths. Tat kind of strong attachments towards the kid is natural.

Anyway, a relationship is like a roller-coaster ride, sometimes its up and sometimes its down. Question is, did u put in some effort to create some tiny sparks in the relationship. Other than having sex in mind, did u perform yr role as a husband and father at the same time? Everything you do is being weigh by an invisible scale . Have you ever stand in yr wife shoes and start wondering why she doesnt want to hv sex, could it due to her being tired after taking care of yr kid? Maybe if you lightens her load, she will have more energy to have fun with you in bed. I believed if she feels tat you love her a lot, she will start to reciprocate too.

All the best pal! I was in yr shoe not too long ago but now things have started to improve after I put in some effort in reducing her load and stress.

[rileyhale]

Finally found a thread that I can identify with. (posted wrongly at another thread) Personally, I am very encouraged by the positive and affirming comments the brothers make to help provide advice. Here's my story -

I remained a virgin till very late in life, in fact, until I got married. (Go ahead, laugh all you want, but it is more common than you think. Not everyone has a chance to find a GF, let alone a GF that allows you to bonk her, ok?)

Now, even with a wife, I only get to bonk once every few months. I counted, in the whole of 2005, I bonked my wife a total of 4 times only. Most of the time, she is too tired to be interested. I tried all ways from the many articles I read like improving our communication, setting the mood, being patient, be concerned about her needs etc. - all with limited success. I guess she isn't very interested in sex. Other than the lack of sex, other parts of our marriage are fine.

At first, I thought it was normal - from zero bonk before marriage to four bonks a year, that's quite a big jump, I thought. Lucky me.

Also since we are not exactly young, I have already accepted that we won't be bonking like rabbits every night, unlike those twentysomethings. I love my wife, so I of course cannot insist on my needs only, right?

Then I accidentally stumbled onto this Sammyboy forum late last year.

That's when I started to feel something's not quite right. Now, whenever I feel horny, I feel I've got no where to release, except to go back to PCC (like single days.)

Yah, I know, why don't just go to GL and bonk, right? But I just can't bring myself to do it. I feel too guilty to cheat on her. Furthest I have gone is HJ in TN or HC, even then, with remorse and guilt.

Here is my opinion ...

- If you get to bonk more than once a month, your're already ahead of many people in Singapore. Enjoy it every chance you've got.

- If you get to bonk more than once a week, consider yourself very lucky. Treasure it!

- If you have a GF or OC who is horny and willing to accede to your request for sex whenever you ask for it, man, you are already in Nirvana on earth, as far as sex in concerned.

Some of you brothers here in this forum really have it good. You have GFs and/or wives who allow you to bonk 2 times a week or even 2 times a day! How did you guys ever get so lucky? You guys must have been blessed with good looks and have a way with women... Sigh ...

The next time you get to bonk, spare a thought for us who nightly go to bed without any action, feeling frustrated and depressed and worse, feeling guilty for feeling this way.

[analog539]

Originally Posted by rams

okay, I've gone through at least 11 pages of postings mostly from men complaining abt not having enough sex in their marriage. Let me contribute from a married woman's point of view.
I feel that sex is an integral part in a marriage, I grew up in a somewhat average conservative Singapore family but it didn't turn out that I'm as conservative instead I am also trying to survive in a sexless marriage.
Me and my hubby has been married for 3 yrs, all these years, sex was initiated by me except the very FIRST time.
For those times that I initiate, you would be surprised to know that I can get rejected outrightly saying he is not in the mood. He will give excuses like he is too tired but never tired for TV. Even when I tried giving him a bj in his sleep, he would wake up and give me a good thrashing. There were times I got so disappointed and rejected that I cried myself to sleep.
Tried to talk to him about it but situation never improve. I bought lots of sexy lingeries, it didn't help. I bought adult board games but we've only tried it once. When I tried to arouse him by licking his neck and ears, he would complain its ticklish. I even tried sending him provocative sms suggesting sex but all his response would be, "Crazy ah you?" ???

I got pregnant last yr and due to hormonal changes, I was even more horny than before but he didnt wan sex saying he might hurt the baby but finally agreed when I assured him we won't. Then after I delivered, he didn't touch me for 3 mths until I initiated and then he doesn't want to touch my boobs cos he's afraid that my breast milk will leak.
Tell me how much worse can things get.

All my ex-es have proclaimed me as the sex queen and they can never have enough of me, I can't understand my hubby's behaviour and fact is he didn't think he is abnormal.
I resorted to DIY to relieve myself but its not what i want, I need love and affection and to feel attractive. Fact is I've never felt desired by him.
We have sex now like once a week, I would like to have it 2-3 times a week but its not possible. Each time, he doesn't bother with foreplay and only wants to get his thingie into me.
Sometimes I wonder to myself if I'm normal... Comments please?

The question is.....what was your relationship like BEFORE you got married?

My situation was that my wife was almost a nympho before and after we were married. Everything slowed down completely after the children.

Now, in your case, did you always initiate sex before you were married? Or did this just start after?


Jim

[Frankiestine]

double post refer below thread...dui bu chi...minta maaf...thousand apologies..