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TRS reader Sim has found himself used, out of pocket, and faced with a lack of compassion and understanding by HDB following the ill-doings of his foreigner wife. He shares his story hoping others will not fall into a similar situation.
Getting married, buying a house, settling down and maybe having kids. This is the usual path that life takes us after we find the one we want to share life with. But for at least one Singaporean, this process has only left stress and hardship.
Mr Sim found himself a lovely Vietnamese wife and decided to marry her. They applied together for her PR and bought a HDB flat on the expectation that they would both contribute to the costs.
However, when his wife was granted PR status, she did not honour her commitment to Mr Sim or Singapore , instead taking a flight to LA and disappearing. She shamelessly used Mr Sim and her new Singapore PR to step on to the USA never to return or care about who she stepped on along the way.
Perhaps good riddance to her as Singapore doesn’t need this kind of person. But for Mr Sim, he is now left with a mortgage he can’t afford, and an uncompassionate HDB who will not allow him to sell the flat.
As the flat was leased under a co-tenancy with both he and his now considered ex-wife’s names, Mr Sim is unable to sell the house without his wife’s approval. He is also unable to remove her name from the tenancy or apply for divorce as her whereabouts is now unknown.
Numerous applications to the Californian courts have been ignored and a lack of understanding from HDB and other relevant government bodies has left Mr Sim defenceless against the compulsory acquisition of his flat.
Mr Sim wishes only to sell the flat and use the money to help pay off his debt then put a deposit down for a more affordable flat. But HDB reasons that he can just move back in with his parents.
The shameless abandoning of Mr Sim by his wife has left him completely out of pocket, while HDB refuses to allow him to sell the flat without her approval. To top it off, Mr Sim received notification that he will be ineligible to vote on the home improvement program polls as HDB has acquired his flat, but he will still have to pay for the works if it is passed.
This whole dilemma has left him feeling very cheated by his wife. He told us “I have been unable to obtain a valid divorce cert as my wife has simply disappeared while in the States and she did not even bother with her PR status here which has already lapsed. She merely used me as a stepping stone to the U.S. through her status as a Singapore PR. So Majulah Singapura to every successful foreign spouse who eventually gets their PR here!” .
Yes, there are many issues with foreign spouses in Singapore. Some marry Singaporeans for the sake of obtaining permit to stay, some marry for the sake getting financial assistance, some marry for the sake of getting PR so that it will be easier to go to western countries while some really marry for the sake of love.
Its easy to be in love , but difficult to stay together because of love. This gets even more difficult when 2 person of different cultural background comes together. This is the reason why i started this thread, to make the understanding of our foreign spouse easier, so that many misunderstandings can be avoided. Singapore started off with China brides and as time evolved, comes Vietnam brides. Singaporeans tend to look down on gals that come from these 2 countries as often, we assosciate them with the hookers we see in GL or the bar gals we see in KTVs. They are often much reported in newspaper as the 3rd party that breaks a happy family. Aren't we being too unfair to these gals if we generalised them as `hookers' or `KTV gals'? Why are we not looking at the SWM that cheats our local gals with the same coloured lens? It all voice down to `discrmination' . Asians always look up to the SWM as one that `drive big cars', `make large purchases at supermarkets', `stay in big houses'. , but why aren't we looking at their weaknesses like `irresponsible' `proud' `boastful' etc? Look around, when the SWM come to Singapore, cannot afford to buy car, and started to ride around in their bicycles, Singaporeans find it real classy and started to follow. Yes , you call it SPORTS, but i call this blind following. The SWM are now known as `economic refugees' , but yet Singaporeans think that they are still the `MASTER' . Look at the economies of US and Europe, is it time for us to read more and change our views?
The Viet gals we get involved with may not be the best that one can get, with financial burden and many more. Yes, there are plentiful who are hopeless, but there are also many who make good spouses and raise happy families with local Singaporean man. I have seen good ones and bad ones, handful of each. I believe that we shouldn't discriminate against all and that Singaporeans should be careful with their choices of life partners, be it locals or foreigners.
Btw, its unfair to judge if we only know one side of the story. Getting PR in Singapore doesn't increase the spouse chances of getting to the USA, it only allow her to apply for US visa as `resident of Singapore' at the US embassy in Singapore. if without PR, she will have to apply for US visa in HCMC or Hanoi. PR allows her to stay in Singapore, but she still carries a Vietnamese passport. Under the application form, she still have to fill up her employment and financial information, which will be very difficult for the viet gal. Even if she works in Singapore, her chances of getting a US Visa is very very low, given the normal education level and employment status of them in Singapore. (judging from the photo, she is 100% from the vietnamese province) If she has really gotten the USA Visa, high chance she did it with the employment and financial status of the Singaporean husband, then how can the Singaporean husband not know?
Next, we have to know if the Singaporean husband has been treating the wife well?
The chances of the wife going to the USA is very low, most likely, the gal has gone back to Vietnam.
suddenly you reappeared...haha...welcum welcum...best post your sexperience...
ok , me and my nguoi yeu broke up. Maybe i cannot maintain her lifestyle in viet as a WL. Not all WL cannot trust lar, but only a handful of them. Even a decent VB promise me this and that, i also doubt them. They love to make promises, but i doubt they able to fulfill all of them =).
ok , me and my nguoi yeu broke up. Maybe i cannot maintain her lifestyle in viet as a WL. Not all WL cannot trust lar, but only a handful of them. Even a decent VB promise me this and that, i also doubt them. They love to make promises, but i doubt they able to fulfill all of them =).
Yes, as u just know them, always take wat they told u with a pinch of salt. Until u know them well enough to trust them.
ok , me and my nguoi yeu broke up. Maybe i cannot maintain her lifestyle in viet as a WL. Not all WL cannot trust lar, but only a handful of them. Even a decent VB promise me this and that, i also doubt them. They love to make promises, but i doubt they able to fulfill all of them =).
this is really sad. How can u guys accept it? Or just close 1 eye.
I think i have mentioned in this thread about this before. Ladies look for the feeling of security in their man, if they cannot find this in their man, they will be up to looking for other avenues. Work hard to provide for her and your children, quit cheonging, communicate with her and gain her understanding on your situation. If she loves you, she will not go look for extra banana.
It is me again. The time has arrived for me to make my first visit to my girl friend in vietnam.
This is the first trip to her place. I would like to get some advice from you guys here on what to look out for to assist myself understanding her and her family.
I will be there for 4 to 5 days. And I will be staying at her place.
Perhaps i will throw this open to the floor for advice on all the different aspects that would come to your mind. Some of you are already very experienced in what to really look out for. So i hope to get some great advice.
I heard that she would need to speak to her local police in order for me to stay at her place without incurring a bribe/or get into trouble. Is that common ?
I think i have mentioned in this thread about this before. Ladies look for the feeling of security in their man, if they cannot find this in their man, they will be up to looking for other avenues. Work hard to provide for her and your children, quit cheonging, communicate with her and gain her understanding on your situation. If she loves you, she will not go look for extra banana.
Well, i had known a viet lady in Hanoi, whose ongxa is a malaysian well-to-do guy. He provides her everything in Hanoi, including a cafe and house. . but she is still having bfs (got 1 guy is an ah siah kia loan shark) around. Only recently the ongxa bring her over to Malaysia to stay, hopefully permanently.
Well, i had known a viet lady in Hanoi, whose ongxa is a malaysian well-to-do guy. He provides her everything in Hanoi, including a cafe and house. . but she is still having bfs (got 1 guy is an ah siah kia loan shark) around. Only recently the ongxa bring her over to Malaysia to stay, hopefully permanently.
So this brought me thinking ....
It is possible for the VB to stay faithful but in the other hands it is also possible for them to look for better choice. But you see the malaysian is not in hanoi, when she buon and dam tac. She need another man right ? I still getting over it, will be meeting a few decents VBs on my coming trip in nov. Hope they don fly me aeroplane like what viet boy said, take their words like a pinch of salt until u know them well
I have seen more and more anh/em getting WL as life partner - Does your nguoi yeu or ba xa willing to quit her job for you ? Don't listen to them, ask them to prove. How much can you maintain her, the amount increase as time goes by. Those WL are good at kc, they see so many men in their work place, what make you so special? Is ok not to listen the advises over here, then you will learn through the hard way. When you were in love, noting goes into your head. The seniors here are providing excellent advises here, there are plenty of decent girls in vietnam. I now get to know quite a few of them are dai hoc sinh, earning an average of 300 USD. Please learn the culture and pick up tieng viet before get into a Viet girlfriend. The post here is a very good learning ground. Cam on for those who read
Hi All,
Perhaps i will throw this open to the floor for advice on all the different aspects that would come to your mind. Some of you are already very experienced in what to really look out for. So i hope to get some great advice.
I heard that she would need to speak to her local police in order for me to stay at her place without incurring a bribe/or get into trouble. Is that common ?
what other advice do you need more from us??
just go there with eyes wide open, ears open, mouth shut and wallet thin...just listen to your gal and discuss what to do in any case...dun be too smart...
very common to report to local district police that a foreigner is coming to live in a house...if not when police come then sure problem...on the other hand you only stay a few days and not often....why bother to report...unless her neighbours are all scums who will be busy bodies...
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Well, i had known a viet lady in Hanoi, whose ongxa is a malaysian well-to-do guy. He provides her everything in Hanoi, including a cafe and house. . but she is still having bfs (got 1 guy is an ah siah kia loan shark) around. Only recently the ongxa bring her over to Malaysia to stay, hopefully permanently.
15-09-2012, 08:47 AM
Re: Understanding Vietnamese Life Partner
