Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[SBMEDSUP]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Nice joke and thanks 👍

[bavocet]

Originally Posted by dyelook

laughter bumps...

Pole-dancing dog, cute!

[Hurricane88]

⏳ *HOW ENGLISH AND ENGLISHMEN MAKE FUN OF EACH OTHER*

*Enjoy the fun & the pun.*

*Q: Can February March?*
*A: No. But April May!*

*Q: Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalised?*
*A: Reports say it was due to too many strokes!*

*Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter?*
*A: I better not tell you, it might spread!*

*Q: How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?*
*A: Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?*

*Q: Music Teacher: What's your favourite musical instrument?*
*A: Kid: The lunch bell!*

*Q: What did the triangle say to the circle?*
*A: You’re pointless!*

*Q: What do you call a ghosts mom and dad?*
*A: Transparents!*

*Q: What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut?*
*A: A Barbercue!*

*Q: What do you call a person that chops up cereal*
*A: A cereal killer!*

*Q: What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry?*
*A: Urgent Tina!*

*Q: What do you call two fat people having a chat?*
*A: A heavy discussion!*

*Q: What kind of emotions do noses feel?*
*A: Nostalgia!*

*Q: What kind of shorts do clouds wear?*
*A: Thunderwear!*

*Q: What's easy to get into but hard to get out of?*
*A: Trouble!*

*Q: Where do boats go to when they get sick?*
*A: The dock!*

*Q: Who cleans the bottom of the ocean?*
*A: A Mer-Maid!*

*Q: Why can't a leopard hide?*
*A: Because he's always spotted!*

*Q: Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?*
*A: Because then it would be a foot!*

*Q: Why did the barber win the race?*
*A: Because he took a short cut!*

*Q: Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?*
*A: He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!*

*Q: Why did the tomato turn red?*
*A: It saw the salad dressing!*

*Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?*
*A: To get a root canal!*

*Q: Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school?*
*A: Because they're all in High School!*

*Q: Why was the maths book sad?*
*A: Because it had too many problems!*

[SamsterPiggy]

Thanks for all the jokes.

[Hurricane88]

Super explanation

*Recession* ??
Banwarilal was a samosa seller in an Indian town. He used to sell 500 samosas everyday on a cart in his locality. People liked his samosas for last 30 years, because he cared for hygiene in preparation and selling, would use good quality oil and other ingredients, provide free chutneys with samosas. He would throw all unsold samosas to poor people, cow, dogs etc and did not sell unsold stale samosas to people next day.

Banwari earned good reputation and enough money from samosa selling and he never faced downfall in his sale in last 30 years. He was able to fund his son's MBA education in a famous private college in Noida out of his earnings.

Recently his son Rohit completed his MBA and came back home as he could not get appropriate placement. Rohit started taking interest in his father's samosa business. He had not been involved in his father's business earlier as he considered that to be an inferior job.

During MBA, Rohit read a lot on recession. He read that it is coming up in global economy and how it will affect job prospects, increase unemployment etc. So he thought that he should advise his father of the risks in the business of samosa selling on account of recession.

He told his father that recession may cause fall in sale of samosas, so he should prepare for cost cutting to maintain the profit.

Banwari was glad that his son knows so much about business and taking interest in his business. He agreed to follow advice of his son.

Next day, Rohit suggested using 20% used cooking oil and 80% fresh. People did not notice the change in the taste and 500 samosas were sold.

Rohit was motivated by the profit made by this savings. Next day he suggested increased share of used oil to 30% and reduce the quantity of free chutney.

That day, only 400 samosas were sold and 100 samosas were thrown to poor people and dogs.

Rohit told his father that recession has really set in as predicted by him, so more cost cutting is to be done and they would not throw stale samosas but would fry them again next day and sell them. Quantity of used oil will also be increased to 40% and to make only 400 samosas to avoid wastage.

Next day 400 samosas were sold but customers were not feeling good old taste. But Rohit told his father about savings because of his smart planning. Father told him that he may be knowing better, being educated.

Next day Rohit decided to use 50% used oil, do away with sweet chutney and provided only green chutney, made 400 samosas. That day only 300 samosas could be sold as people started disliking the taste.

Rohit told Banwari "Look , I had predicted great recession is arriving and sales would fall. Now this is happening. We will not throw away these 100 stale samosas but would fry and sell them tomorrow." Father agreed to his MBA son.

Next day, 200 fresh samosas were made with 50% used oil, 100 stale fried samosa were offered for sale but only 200 could be sold as people sensed the drastic fall in quality.

Rohit said that recession has really set in and now people have no money left to spend so they should make only 100 samosas and recycle 100 stale samosas and stop giving paper napkins .

After this only 50 samosas could be sold .

Rohit told his father " Now recession has taken people in its grip. People have lost income. So, this business will be in loss and they should stop selling samosas and do something else."

Now his father started shouting, "I did not know that they teach cheating in the name of MBA. I lost my money in getting your MBA education. In last 30 years of samosa selling, I never had recession but your greed for profit brought recession in my business and caused closure. Get out of my business and I will get it back to earlier level. If you want, I can hire you for washing dishes as that is the only thing you can do despite being MBA educated."

Thereafter , Banwari started following his age old wisdom and fair practices in business. Within a month his sale reached to 600 samosas.

*Recession is nothing but convergence of greed of government to extract more taxes, greed of big businesses to be more profitable by reducing quality and using unfair practices and also of careless arrogant employees giving pathetic service as long as profits are coming. Recession is the punishment given to businesses and government by people by restricting their spending.

Nice article, worth reading ..😊

[dyelook]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

*Recession is nothing but convergence of greed of government to extract more taxes, greed of big businesses to be more profitable by reducing quality and using unfair practices and also of careless arrogant employees giving pathetic service as long as profits are coming. Recession is the punishment given to businesses and government by people by restricting their spending.

Nice article, worth reading...

true facts...
laughter bumps...

[ThatsAllFolks]

Really enjoyed all the jokes, thanks for it

[metaverse]

Thanks for the al the nice jokes.

[Dragon2024]

Really enjoyed all the jokes, thanks for all.

[Heng_Kia]

haha by reading all this make my days

[TheATeam]

Thanks for all the jokes TS

[Hurricane88]

Good Morning wake up joke:

A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is asked by
the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.

"I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies.

"O K Do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife.

"No, no boyfriend either."

Do you have a partner then?"

"No, I'm not attached; I'll be having my baby on my own."

After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman,
"You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before
you see her that the baby is black."

"Well," replies the girl, "I was very down on my luck, with no money
and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a porn film. The lead man
was black."

"Oh, I'm very sorry," Says the midwife,
"that's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask
you these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the baby has
blonde hair."

"Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see the co-star in the
movie was this Swedish guy."

"Oh, I'm sorry,"
The midwife repeats, "that's really none of my business either and I
hate to pry further but your baby also has Slanted Eyes."

"Yes," continues the girl, "there was a little Chinese man also in
the movie, I really had no choice."

At this, the midwife again apologizes, collects the baby and
presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give the baby a slap
on the butt.

The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims,
"Thank god for that!"

"What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked.

"Well," says the girl extremely relieved,
"I had this horrible feeling that she was going to bark."

😀😀😀

[Samkieu]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

"Well," says the girl extremely relieved,
"I had this horrible feeling that she was going to bark."

😀😀😀

Wow fark the dog too.

[lipe]

bro samkieu


returned 19 points

Originally Posted by Samkieu

Wow fark the dog too.

[BottleTree]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

⏳ *HOW ENGLISH AND ENGLISHMEN MAKE FUN OF EACH OTHER*

*Enjoy the fun & the pun.*

*Q: Can February March?*
*A: No. But April May!*

*Q: Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalised?*
*A: Reports say it was due to too many strokes!*

*Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter?*
*A: I better not tell you, it might spread!*

*Q: How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?*
*A: Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?*

*Q: Music Teacher: What's your favourite musical instrument?*
*A: Kid: The lunch bell!*

*Q: What did the triangle say to the circle?*
*A: You’re pointless!*

*Q: What do you call a ghosts mom and dad?*
*A: Transparents!*

*Q: What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut?*
*A: A Barbercue!*

*Q: What do you call a person that chops up cereal*
*A: A cereal killer!*

*Q: What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry?*
*A: Urgent Tina!*

*Q: What do you call two fat people having a chat?*
*A: A heavy discussion!*

*Q: What kind of emotions do noses feel?*
*A: Nostalgia!*

*Q: What kind of shorts do clouds wear?*
*A: Thunderwear!*

*Q: What's easy to get into but hard to get out of?*
*A: Trouble!*

*Q: Where do boats go to when they get sick?*
*A: The dock!*

*Q: Who cleans the bottom of the ocean?*
*A: A Mer-Maid!*

*Q: Why can't a leopard hide?*
*A: Because he's always spotted!*

*Q: Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?*
*A: Because then it would be a foot!*

*Q: Why did the barber win the race?*
*A: Because he took a short cut!*

*Q: Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?*
*A: He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!*

*Q: Why did the tomato turn red?*
*A: It saw the salad dressing!*

*Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?*
*A: To get a root canal!*

*Q: Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school?*
*A: Because they're all in High School!*

*Q: Why was the maths book sad?*
*A: Because it had too many problems!*

Thanks for sharing