Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[bigbigboy789]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Tarzan leaves the jungle, comes to civilization, and applies for a job.

Interviewer: Name?

Tarzan: Me Tarzan

Interviewer: Married?

Tarzan: Wife Jane

Interviewer: Children?

Tarzan: Son boy

Interviewer: Anything else to your name besides Tarzan?

Tarzan: Tarzan, King of the Jungle

Interviewer: Jane's Whole Name

Tarzan: Jane's Hole named Pussy

Haha... thanks for sharing

[S.B.Y.1]

*SINGAPORE AIRLINES -- GOOD ONE*

A mother and her young inquisitive son were flying Singapore Airlines from Singapore to New York.
The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, 'If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes????

'The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the pretty flight attendant.
So the boy dutifully asked the flight attendant, 'If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?'

The flight attendant responded, 'Did your mother tell you to ask me that?'

The little boy admitted that she did.

“Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Singapore Airlines always pulls out on time.

Now, let your mother explain that to you.!!!”

[bigbirdbird]

Originally Posted by S.B.Y.1

*SINGAPORE AIRLINES -- GOOD ONE*


“Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Singapore Airlines always pulls out on time.

Now, let your mother explain that to you.!!!”

555 .... Nice One

[diputs1269]

Originally Posted by S.B.Y.1

*SINGAPORE AIRLINES -- GOOD ONE*
why don't planes have baby planes?'

“Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Singapore Airlines always pulls out on time.

Now, let your mother explain that to you.!!!”

Good one pak, Sex In Air.

[ah rat]

___________________

[Jonsons]

Originally Posted by S.B.Y.1

*SINGAPORE AIRLINES -- GOOD ONE*

A mother and her young inquisitive son were flying Singapore Airlines from Singapore to New York.
The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, 'If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes????

'The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the pretty flight attendant.
So the boy dutifully asked the flight attendant, 'If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?'

The flight attendant responded, 'Did your mother tell you to ask me that?'

The little boy admitted that she did.

“Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Singapore Airlines always pulls out on time.

Now, let your mother explain that to you.!!!”

Very good reply from the flight attendant

[sgbond]

Originally Posted by S.B.Y.1

*SINGAPORE AIRLINES -- GOOD ONE*

A mother and her young inquisitive son were flying Singapore Airlines from Singapore to New York.
The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, 'If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes????

'The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the pretty flight attendant.
So the boy dutifully asked the flight attendant, 'If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?'

The flight attendant responded, 'Did your mother tell you to ask me that?'

The little boy admitted that she did.

“Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Singapore Airlines always pulls out on time.

Now, let your mother explain that to you.!!!”

Great jokes! Really funny.

Hope to read more nice jokes.

[SoongJongki]

Originally Posted by ah rat

___________________

Very nice share bro!!

[S.B.Y.1]

THE HAIRCUT

Blessed are those that can give without remembering, and take without forgetting.

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.'

The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you ' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a MP came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill , the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The MP was very happy and left the shop

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen MPs lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

As Margaret Thatcher said: Both politicians and nappies need to be changed often and for the same reason!

[bigbirdbird]

10 Things Men Know

1. Men know that Mother Nature's best aphrodisiac is still a naked woman.

2. Men know that PMS is Mother Nature's way of telling you to get out of the house.

3. Men know never to run away from a fight that you know you can win.

4. Men know that cats are evil and cannot be trusted.

5. Men know how to change the toilet paper, but to do so would ruin the game.

6. Men know exactly how much gas is left in the tank and how far that gas will get them.

7. Men know that from time to time, it is absolutely necessary to adjust oneself.

8. Men know that a woman will wear a low-cut dress and expect the man to stare at her cleavage. Men also know that the woman will get pissed off when they do, for reasons not totally clear to them.

9. Men know that it's never a good idea to tell your father-in-law how good his daughter is in bed.

10. Men know that men are from here, and women are from way the hell over there.

[bigbirdbird]

A bachelor has no belly because when he opens a fridge he says:

"Fuck it, the same again!" and then goes to the bed.

Married man has belly because when he comes to the bed he says:

"Fuck it, the same again!" and then goes and opens the fridge.

[bigbirdbird]

Your honour, I am 86 years old.

So here I am, sitting there on porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sits beside me.

He starts to rub my thigh, and it feels good, Your Honour.

So I don't stop him, and he begins to rub my old breasts, Your Honour. Why, Your Honour, I haven't felt that good in years! So I just spread my old legs and say to him, "Take me, young man, Take me!"

That's when he yelled, "April Fool!".

And that's when I shot the Son of a Bitch!

*************

Two young brothers, aged 5 and 6, are listening through the keyhole as their older sister is getting it on with her new boyfriend.

They hear her say, "Oh, Jim, you're going where no man has gone before!"

The six-year-old says to his brother, "Then he must be fucking her up the ass!"

[bigbirdbird]

You may not know this but many inanimate objects have a gender...

Ziplock bags are Male -- they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

Copiers are Female -- once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons a re pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

Tires are Male -- they go bald and are often over-inflated.

Hot Air Balloons are Male -- to get them to go anywhere, you have

to light a fire under them, and of course, there's that hot air part.

Sponges are Female -- they're soft, squeezable and retain water.

Web pages are Female -- they're always getting hit on.

Subways are Male -- they use the same old lines to pick women up.

Hourglasses are Female -- over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

Hammers are Male -- it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

Remote Controls are Female -- they give men pleasure, when men don't

have them, they always go out of their way to get them, and while they don't always know the right buttons to push, they keep trying!

[SkyLeopard]

Originally Posted by S.B.Y.1

THE HAIRCUT

Blessed are those that can give without remembering, and take without forgetting.

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.'

The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you ' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a MP came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill , the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The MP was very happy and left the shop

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen MPs lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

As Margaret Thatcher said: Both politicians and nappies need to be changed often and for the same reason!

Nice one bro!!

[S.B.Y.1]

A man gets into bed with a woman and notices her clean shaven pussy.
He asks "why no hair"?
She replies- "u came to fuck or to comb?"

Husband comes home fm office after having dog style sex with his secretary. Wife asks; where 've u
been? He replies; work like dog in office.

A prostitute asked a plastic surgeon to make another hole for her.
USurgeon was surprised & asked why?
Answer: Business is good & I wish to open another branch!