Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[bigbirdbird]

Over-Spenders

There was a couple who were big over-spenders.

They always dreamed to spend holidays in Hawaii, but they were never able to save any money to do so.

One day they came up with an idea -- each time they had sex, they would put $20.00 bill into a piggy bank.

They bought the piggy, and followed that procedure for about a year.

After that time, they decided that there was enough money for their dream vacation and broke the piggy bank.

The husband looked at their savings and said: "Isn't it strange. Each time we had sex, I put $20.00 into the piggy. But I see tons of $50.00 bills and a few $100.00 bills."

The wife replied, "Do you think that everybody is as stingy as you are?"

[dudick]

Bird bird koko tks for ur good jokes.

[meijipcc]

really nice jokes, more of it will be great. support support.

[northbrom]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Jill: You wouldn't believe how inexperienced with women my ex was
when we first married.
Mary: How bad was he?
Jill: On our wedding night, he tried to inflate me.

This is funny hehe

[trevallyfish]

Thank you for nice thread.

[masarmalam]

Nice thread, thanks.

[Gachibowli]

A joke a day keeps the doc away. Laughter best medicine.

[RomeloLukaku]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Two little boys are visiting their cousin in the country when they decide to go for a walk down the back roads. After about three miles they find a used rubber lying by the road.

"Hey," one of the dumbass city boys says, "look, a poor cow lost one of its titties!"

"Let's go give it to the farmer!" the other one says.

So, they work they way up to the farm house. They knock on the door and out comes the farmer.

"Hey, Mister, we found a cow titty. Ya want it back?"

The farmer, not in the mood for conducting a Sex-Ed seminar, said, "Sure, boys, here's a dollar for your trouble."

The boys hand over the rubber and head on back down the road. After a little while one says to the other, "You know, lardass, we could have got more than a buck if you hadn't drank the darn milk!"

LMAO, really top class funny.

[Silkun]

Originally Posted by Gachibowli

A joke a day keeps the doc away. Laughter best medicine.

I was about to say that too.

[justicebow]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Over-Spenders

There was a couple who were big over-spenders.

They always dreamed to spend holidays in Hawaii, but they were never able to save any money to do so.

One day they came up with an idea -- each time they had sex, they would put $20.00 bill into a piggy bank.

They bought the piggy, and followed that procedure for about a year.

After that time, they decided that there was enough money for their dream vacation and broke the piggy bank.

The husband looked at their savings and said: "Isn't it strange. Each time we had sex, I put $20.00 into the piggy. But I see tons of $50.00 bills and a few $100.00 bills."

The wife replied, "Do you think that everybody is as stingy as you are?"

Super world class funny, ROFL.

[trevallyfish]

Tks for sharing nice jokes.

[bigbirdbird]

Shorts


A Man shouts to his wife, “Come here and look at my clock.” She walks in to find him naked with a hard on. She says, “That's not a clock.” He says, “It will be when you put two hands and a face on it.”




Q: What is the strongest muscle?
A: Tongue. It can raise woman's hips with just one lick.



A man walked in to his local butcher shop to find his regular butcher, John, absent. So he asks the manager, "Where's John?" The manager tells the man that John was fired because he was found sticking his dick in the meat slicer" Then the man asked, "What happened to the meat slicer now?" The butcher then replied, "I fired her too."



Q: What do you call a coke bottle full of bees?
A: A West Virginia vibrator.

[bigbirdbird]

Three Women



Three women were sitting around talking about their sex lives.

The first said, "I think my husband's like a championship golfer. He's spent the last ten years perfecting his stroke."

The second woman said, "My husband's like the winner of the Indy 500. Every time we get into bed he gives me several hundred exciting laps."

The third woman was silent until she was asked, "Tell us about your husband."

She thought for a moment and said, "My husband's like an Olympic gold-medal-winning quarter-miler."

"How so?"

"He's got his time down to under 40 seconds."

[bigbirdbird]

Q. Why do women stop bleeding when entering the menopause?

A. Because they need all the blood for their varicose veins


************

A man walks into a brothel and approaches a beautiful Oriental courtesan.

"Is it true Asian women's vaginas are slit sideways?" he asks.

"Why?" she responds. "Are you a harmonica player?"

[bigbirdbird]

Q: What are the advantages of having an affair with a married woman?.

A:They give like hell.They do not yell. They do not tell. They do not swell and there are no wedding bells!


***********

A man had just been married and came to work in a hurry the next day. He went up to a friend and said, "You must help me. My wife and I are both virgins and we don't know what to do!"

The friend replied, "Where are you going for your honeymoon?"

Man says, "To Disneyworld."

Friend, "OK, I'll come along with you and the first night I'll hide in the closet. if you have a problem....I'll be there."

Man, "Thank you!"

They did exactly that. The man left his wife and went to the bathroom.

He stubbed his toe as he reentered the bed and uttered an , "Oh...shit!"

His friend in the closet whispered, "Flip her over! Flip her over!"