My Story.... And I hope bros will not make the same mistake as me.....

[stillgottheblue]

Originally Posted by EatPrayLove

ignorance may be a bliss. But imagine this scenario:
you had a wild past but choose to keep from your other half. Somehow or rather one fine day, you bump into one of your past and he/she turns out to your other half close friend/relative/or even worse, sibling?!
And what if your old past decided to tell your other half about your past? That's like all hell break loose. I have seem this kind of situation happen to one of my friend. and all I can say is, best is to be honest and true to your other half right from the start. Didn't they say that honesty is the best policy?

Cheers

What are the chances of that happening? It'll happen mostly in Korean drama.

[jnudes]

Thanks bro for sharing. Luckily I am not a heavy drinker and not used to flings. I only get involved with spa girls and freelancers. And one day after married I know I need to quit all of these.

[pitabooom]

Actually if you were to ask me bros, it was an unbridled moment of anger (with work and my life), depression (lao peh died), and alcohol. I am sure being the Man we all are, some things would just tip you over the edge.

Do I intend to go back to that old life? I have no intention of screwing up my HIV Negative results at all. The unfortunate fact is that, despite my explanations to her, she kept thinking it was a deliberate planned fling.

I wonder if me being absolutely honest to her is my undoing as I'd inadvertently gave her my weapon to shoot myself. I have no intention of chasing the ghosts of her past (and in all honesty, she's not exactly a virgin angel). And the unfortunate fact is that she has been trying at times to just dig out that "I'd frequented prostitutes". I am sure all of you here, would understand the difference.

Just wondering if she is doing emotion blackmail to actually force me to stay with her. Each time she does this, each time she questions my fidelity towards her, it wears me down bit by bit. and when I finally lost it all, she comes cries and begs for my forgiveness, only to repeat the cycle a few months down the road when I am talking about something completely unrelated.

I was originally thinking of settling down with her (to the objection of my family), but each time she keeps talking about the past, which wears me down like a grinder to iron. You guys seriously think if it is ok for me? Because the last thing I am actually looking forward to, is emotional and physical blackmail on me, my kids and my assets.

I can of course, dig out all her "sexy talk" with her guy friends if I wanted to. But I chose not to because I have complete faith in her fidelity. But what do you guys think?

[pitabooom]

I do find it pretty amusing at times because I could have settled for a life of luxury with another rich foreign Thai girl, or maybe a more highly educated and intelligent girl with a relatively well paying job. But I'd chosen her....

Sigh....

[pitabooom]

Originally Posted by EatPrayLove

ignorance may be a bliss. But imagine this scenario:
you had a wild past but choose to keep from your other half. Somehow or rather one fine day, you bump into one of your past and he/she turns out to your other half close friend/relative/or even worse, sibling?!
And what if your old past decided to tell your other half about your past? That's like all hell break loose. I have seem this kind of situation happen to one of my friend. and all I can say is, best is to be honest and true to your other half right from the start. Didn't they say that honesty is the best policy?

Cheers

Honesty may be the best policy, but isn't ignorance a bliss?

[muscleboi]

Originally Posted by pitabooom

Actually if you were to ask me bros, it was an unbridled moment of anger (with work and my life), depression (lao peh died), and alcohol. I am sure being the Man we all are, some things would just tip you over the edge.

Do I intend to go back to that old life? I have no intention of screwing up my HIV Negative results at all. The unfortunate fact is that, despite my explanations to her, she kept thinking it was a deliberate planned fling.

I wonder if me being absolutely honest to her is my undoing as I'd inadvertently gave her my weapon to shoot myself. I have no intention of chasing the ghosts of her past (and in all honesty, she's not exactly a virgin angel). And the unfortunate fact is that she has been trying at times to just dig out that "I'd frequented prostitutes". I am sure all of you here, would understand the difference.

Just wondering if she is doing emotion blackmail to actually force me to stay with her. Each time she does this, each time she questions my fidelity towards her, it wears me down bit by bit. and when I finally lost it all, she comes cries and begs for my forgiveness, only to repeat the cycle a few months down the road when I am talking about something completely unrelated.

I was originally thinking of settling down with her (to the objection of my family), but each time she keeps talking about the past, which wears me down like a grinder to iron. You guys seriously think if it is ok for me? Because the last thing I am actually looking forward to, is emotional and physical blackmail on me, my kids and my assets.

I can of course, dig out all her "sexy talk" with her guy friends if I wanted to. But I chose not to because I have complete faith in her fidelity. But what do you guys think?

bro, you sure about getting married? emotional blackmailing may be just a preview of what you gonna get after marriage.. check out "reasons to get married" thread and see if your decision is still the same..after reading comments from bros here in that thread..

[pitabooom]

Thanks bro.

I had thought over it long and hard.

Both of us have our ghosts. Both of us went through very dark times.
I had meditated over the entire issue for quite some time and mulled over considering and reconsidering the ultimate decision.

Maybe bros and sis will be wishing me luck. I thank you all for your wishes. The desire to change myself has never been stronger, as with the desire to change her. Thanks for all your concerns bros and sis and I hope that you all will also find that bit of happiness you all are also looking for.

But one thing for sure, I am not looking back at the past and I am not going to go back to the past (unless I am tired of living or it comes to the time I'm only living on borrowed time).

[deludedgal]

past is past.. just make use of it for a more exciting future?

[Beasty]

Originally Posted by pitabooom

I do find it pretty amusing at times because I could have settled for a life of luxury with another rich foreign Thai girl, or maybe a more highly educated and intelligent girl with a relatively well paying job. But I'd chosen her....

Sigh....

Bro, i would say no point questioning your choice at this point. If life is a bed of roses and fully predictable, it is not called life. Maybe it is your fate to love her.

[owl888]

if she cannot accept your past, then I believe she's not the right person for you. I think you have not been officially married, still not too late the make the right decision, do the right thing and will save u a lifetime of pain.........

[pitabooom]

Originally Posted by owl888

if she cannot accept your past, then I believe she's not the right person for you. I think you have not been officially married, still not too late the make the right decision, do the right thing and will save u a lifetime of pain.........

Thanks bro. I understand that all of you are here for me.

I have my fears as well. Recent news report of how a poor child died after being hurled down the flat by his own mother and went on his way with only a single person to see him on his last journey is not adding optimism into my thoughts.

Not officially married yet and haven't signed anything yet for now (what would be burnt up would just be about $3000 for a rock and $10 for an housing application fee). But to be absolutely sure that things would get solved, had decided to sign both of us up on a marriage prep course. I am hoping that this course would open eyes, ears and hearts more than my attempt to show, talk and reason out things with her that marriage-parenthood are a joint responsibility and setting up a family is all about making ultimate sacrifices (even on weekend night outs as you catch up on precious sleep).

I guess the biggest pitfall between both of us is our age. 5 years apart and being the older one, I tire easily at a lot of things and handle stuff in the easiest, most efficient possible method. "Don't like this guy? - Ignore", "Don't like this guy but you've gotta work with him? - Act blur".

Her method? "You treat me nice, I treat you better. You treat me like shit and I will go all the way out and make special effort just to piss you off/make life as uncomfortable as possible for you." (which I personally find it extremely juvenile. Perhaps its our age and generation difference I guess).

I am hoping that the prep course would be of use. I'm not sure what attitude would she approach it with though. It makes me wonder about the thoughts that goes through her head at times.... Wonder if educational qualification (she's post-secondary & I'm degree) and religious (her staunchly religionless and determined to stay that way vs a 'study all that's good and try to learn it' me) difference is a huge gap as well though....

[Profetapk]

Originally Posted by pitabooom

Still under moderation now so threads take some time to appear. But I beg you all bros. Bear with me.

Back then I was KNN single for almost 15 bloody years, so since I was roaring single bachelor, I had my fun ways, but fun is fun, its always protection all the way until I met this girl.....

When I knew her, she was a wreck. I wanted to help her, but I realized that the more I helped her, the more I fell in love with her, gradually, bit-by-bit. And when the inevitable day of reckoning comes like Normandy Beach Landing, I realized that I'd fallen in love with her.

But love is love, I still have my work to do. So its back to Sin City to work (had a bit of fun there as well, but to note that we haven't confirmed our relationship when I realised I'd fallen in love with her).

One fine day, she grabbed a plane and flew all the way to Sin City to find me. I was elated and I told myself, from that day henceforth, I am keeping my hands to myself, turning over a new leaf forever and ever. And the same evening when we made love, everything felt so right. I am not surprised she's not a virgin (then again, who bloody is these days? I'm not a saint, so why should I expect an angel?) given the number of bfs she had. We were all lovey-dopey for 1.5 months in the comfort of my apartment, just her and me.

When I finally received my sayonara and my company sent me back to Singapore and I plummeted from a high flying expat to a normal executive, I told myself that I'll walk back up the ranks again one day, and I will work hard for her and the future we are going to build.....

Little did I expect that 1 moment of honesty (that I'd told her about my single life) when I told her many months ago is my undoing......

Thanks for sharing..... Definitely your future wife should not know what you have done in the past.....How she can bear it?????

Take care

[sane]

Originally Posted by pitabooom

I do find it pretty amusing at times because I could have settled for a life of luxury with another rich foreign Thai girl, or maybe a more highly educated and intelligent girl with a relatively well paying job. But I'd chosen her....

Sigh....

u mean she's not that intelligent , btw is she able to work? The living standard in SG is v high.

[pitabooom]

Originally Posted by sane

u mean she's not that intelligent , btw is she able to work? The living standard in SG is v high.

Well, she's able to work for sure. And she's not of low-intelligence or IQ. She does earn more than me, but as with higher pay you get lesser time.

Our biggest diff is our educational qualifications and life experiences. She lacks a certain ability to be able to view things in perspective, take things at face value literally (so if things doesn't appear a certain way to her, her brain would just take the easiest way out) and unable to project long term consequences.

[pitabooom]

Originally Posted by Profetapk

Thanks for sharing..... Definitely your future wife should not know what you have done in the past.....How she can bear it?????

Take care

Yes, we all know this is a fatal rule of relationships.

NEVER EVER let your partner know of the reckless things you had done. Not in a moment of utter anger, depression and loneliness.
But to me, what is done had been done. There is also a proverb that goes, "No point crying over spilled milk." and the adage, "To err is human, to forgive is divine."

Despite her appearance to seem to have forgave, it made me wonder from time to time (esp on the times she enjoys bringing up the 2 bad incidents and twists it to give it a new twist) that if she had truly forgiven.

I am no saint. But unfortunately, she's no vestal virgin either. She claims her experiences were from her past bfs..... I haven't really asked her thoroughly but the question lingers.... ie, she lost her virginity at what age under what circumstances? But we all know its a pointless question just to satisfy my personal curiousity. But "curiousity kills the cat".