Wife & Sex - going through the motion

[sgjoey]

I think it all finally boils down to variety. How many couples -- men as well as women -- will not get tired of having sex with one another after a few years of marriage?

Truly monogamous couples may, in reality, be a very rare breed and could just be made up of people whose libido is way below par.

The general rule is that we are a non-monogamous species but who have to put with the facade of monogamy because it has been foisted upon us by our ancestors.

[analog]

Originally Posted by jessca

... Seriously? Our entire job and obligation is to have sex? Wow. I'm shocked.

Sis Jessica:

You're Shocked?
Have you actually thought about this?
Your job as a wife is to have sex because that is how children are made. No children, no society, no future...end. Why do you thing the PAP is panicking about Singapore's birth rate?
The government, the church, society in general is interested in maintain things, and nothing is maintained without children.

You don't believe me? Have you ever read marriage vows?
Do you so-and-so, take unto your self as wife/husband, to have and to hold, to be with no other, etc, etc, etc...

Just what do you thing "to have and to hold" means? Playing cards together? Going to a movie? Its church speak for SEX! Lots of sex because that is where babies come from.

Ok, I'm Catholic so I'll come from that angle(Anglican, Presbyterian, Baptist all the same ) It is a sin to deny your spouse your body, period. There is no negotiation. You get married so that with society's consent, you my lay (another church word meaning sex) with each other with the end result of children. That is why you are suppose to marry someone you love/like because it is your responsibility to have sex with that person. Catholic theology has a whole bunch of fluffy feel good stuff around this, "husband and wife cleave unto each other", "become one flesh under god", etc-etc-etc....
In the end, it all the same, it means "have sex with".

Now, to create order in society, we cannot have men running around fucking anyone in a skirt so we created two things:
1. marriage,
2. rape.

Marriage is codified by a thing called a marriage license which is a document that states that you, the wife, consent to have sex with this man, the husband. It also codifies that you, the husband are responsible for having sex with your wife ONLY! Society has certain protections for wives that may undergo divorce, financial protection, custody of children etc. but this only applies to wives, not girl friends or mistresses.

Rape is when a woman is forced to have sex. A woman must consent to have sex, she cannot be forced under law. However, a wife has a document that she has signed in which it states she consents to have sex with this man. That is why in Singapore a wife cannot charge her husband with rape, its ridiculous under law. A wife CAN have her husband charged with assault and battery, no problem there but the existence of the marriage license makes a charge of rape impossible.

The whole argument here is, what happens when your wife refuses to have sex? Well, I could rape here i suppose and I did mention this to her but, I'm not a violent man, most men aren't. So how?

After 7 years of this bullshit, I threatened mine with divorce and dragged her off to counselling. Its interesting to watch your wife's face when you bluntly say to the counsellor, "I'm not getting any sex and haven't been for years, I'm basically a monk" and the counsellor turns to the wife and says "Is that so? What's wrong?". Did you notice that Jessica? The counsellor does not say to the husband 'You're just a sick pervert", the counsellor turns to the wife to ask what the problem is. WHY? Simple....
A WIFE IS EXPECTED TO HAVE SEX WITH HER HUSBAND!!!!!!

It is grounds for divorce if you don't. Most men just take the pain, they shouldn't. You can go to any legal website in Singapore and lookup divorce, "refusal to have sex without a valid reason" is ground for divorce.

Marriage has responsibilities and sex is one of them. If a wife refuses sex, she is breaking her vows, its that simple.

Wake up sis, this is real life, not a Hollywood movie.

Cheers,
Jim

[analog]

Originally Posted by ferragamo

Thanks for your comments. Although I don't think you can give us a really relevant opinion

reasons:

1) you are not married.
2) you do not have kids
3) you are surfing sammyboy

we are talking about problems surfacing many years into the marriage, and some wifes were sexually active at the start but not after kids.

so as you are not in a long term marriage and have no kids to look after at night, you won't represent these women.

and you are surfing SB - meaning inherently you are more sexual than most women already

by the way, I am the TS and I am facing these problems - but my wife has no work pressure, she is a Tai Tai.

She has her own car, own credit card, no bills to pay, no work deadlines. 2 maids to help look after the kids, no housework to do, no cooking to do.

I wine her and dine her in every single celebrity restaurant in Singapore already, from Guy Savoy to Joel Robuchon

Have gifted her bags/clothes from Chanel , LV - you name it, many times throughout the year

We travel 4 to 5 times a year

Yet...

so please don't assume that men 'mistreat' or 'misunderstand' our wives and purport that you empathise when the wives stray and have an affair/office romance

Bro Ferragamo:

Perfect bro, perfect.

Cheers,
jim

[analog]

Hey Bros and Sis:

Some random thoughts....
Wives, mine included, come out and say stupid bullshit like 'Well, i can live without sex". This is such complete bollix it makes my head spin. I can't live without sex which is why I got married, very simple lah! And if she can live without sex, why, before the babies came, was she bugging me for more sex than I could provide! Morning, afternoon, night...twice...I was 38 when I got married, not 25! but now, almost none. WTF?

A guy I know is French Canadian, grew up on a farm in the sixties, has 7 siblings. After number 8 was born, two years passed no more babies, Parish priest comes around to see if the couple is ok, if marriage is fine. Still having sex, ok, priest is happy back to the rectory. This is a true story.

Ahhh, this topic makes my head spin. I'm not sure what mother's are teaching their daughters now days.

I'm babbling.


Cheers,
jim

[Niceman]

Hi Bro and Sis,

This issue seem to bother a lot of Bros in HK and SG. But, dun seem to hear any from PRC or Thailand, and not even TW. I wonder?

[mr nice guy]

Originally Posted by charisme

Yup. blame game..
i took the way out. Adding on to the statistics.

Wow!! Just wow.. I really tot im the only one with the problem.. Anyways, mine is a bit different and hope i can get some advice etc..

Im married for 5 years.. Both of us is 30yrs old.. 1 dotter 2 years old.. Now, im not that intrested in sex.. I dun blame my wife, coz she is hot.. A bit fat, but hot.. She has big boobs and nice ass.. Pretty face and all.. Believe me, if u guys see her outside, u guys wanna fuck her there and then.. But, im always happy when her period comes.. Hehe.. She initiated sex more than me.. Now we do it 2 times a week.. I admit the problem is me..

I like to gawk at other girls, even if my wife is way prettier.. Maybe, my mind is fucked up becoz of tat.. Our sex life is normal, standard SOP.. She will get satisfied but i always need lubricant to make myself hard a few times before i cum inside her.. Becoz of tat, i hate sex.. I pity my wife..

Any bros or sis can advise?? Thanks!!

[Niceman]

Well, in life, there is no wrong or right, is a matter of choice.

A home just like a coffeeshop that got 1 stall, a chicken rice stall. If the hubby came home and the stall always closed, and required to cook his own chicken rice (PCC). But now, a lot of coffeeshop nearby all opened for business, selling all kind, having all kind of stalls. When the hubby goes over to get his food, can the home stall owner complain the business is bad, whereby the stall has not been opened for business for ages?

Just my 2 cents worth

[analog]

Originally Posted by mr nice guy

Wow!! Just wow.. I really tot im the only one with the problem.. Anyways, mine is a bit different and hope i can get some advice etc..

Im married for 5 years.. Both of us is 30yrs old.. 1 dotter 2 years old.. Now, im not that intrested in sex.. I dun blame my wife, coz she is hot.. A bit fat, but hot.. She has big boobs and nice ass.. Pretty face and all.. Believe me, if u guys see her outside, u guys wanna fuck her there and then.. But, im always happy when her period comes.. Hehe.. She initiated sex more than me.. Now we do it 2 times a week.. I admit the problem is me..

I like to gawk at other girls, even if my wife is way prettier.. Maybe, my mind is fucked up becoz of tat.. Our sex life is normal, standard SOP.. She will get satisfied but i always need lubricant to make myself hard a few times before i cum inside her.. Becoz of tat, i hate sex.. I pity my wife..

Any bros or sis can advise?? Thanks!!

Bro:

i don't know what to tell you because I simply can't relate. My wife holds my hand I get a hard on. My wife is a bit rounder after kids as well and I think its damn sexy. I think women that have had kids are radiant, they simply don't know how sexy they are. SYTs don't do much for me, nice to look at and all but a complete woman has had kids and I'm into women, not girls.

i would take the initiative and go see a counsellor on your own and say what you wrote here. Be blunt and direct, this is real life, not a movie. Don't beat around the bush.

You need to fix this. A well fucked wife is a happy wife. It is your matrimonial responsibility to sort this out. Do it bro, take charge and fix it.

Cheers,
jim

[RealEstateGuy]

Originally Posted by analog

Bro:

i don't know what to tell you because I simply can't relate. My wife holds my hand I get a hard on. My wife is a bit rounder after kids as well and I think its damn sexy. I think women that have had kids are radiant, they simply don't know how sexy they are. SYTs don't do much for me, nice to look at and all but a complete woman has had kids and I'm into women, not girls.

i would take the initiative and go see a counsellor on your own and say what you wrote here. Be blunt and direct, this is real life, not a movie. Don't beat around the bush.

You need to fix this. A well fucked wife is a happy wife. It is your matrimonial responsibility to sort this out. Do it bro, take charge and fix it.

Cheers,
jim

Good post.

[HiddenAngel]

Some guys will say that it's because after giving birth, the wife lost the interest in sex. Well I can say that it's not just sex they lost the interest, some of them lost the interest to maintain their outlook too. A husband juggles his work and sometimes will help out the house too, a woman juggles her work, the house and the kid/s and also the husband.

But I can say not all wife will lost their interst in sex after giving birth. I always say how horny a woman is depends on individual. Some wife is still very active in sex with their hubby even after kids. A relationship is not just based on material or physcial aspect but mental and emotion feelings are equally important, this is how a relationship alive be it married or not married.

If either party has problems and talking out with each other does not help then look for a sexual counsellor, yes we have a sexual doctor in SG, she is a Clinical Sexologist who does sexuality and intimacy coaching. Google for Martha Lee.

My 2 cents of thoughts.

[charisme]

Originally Posted by mr nice guy

Wow!! Just wow.. I really tot im the only one with the problem.. Anyways, mine is a bit different and hope i can get some advice etc..

i'll just say follow analog footsteps? Since u still do love her. dont go the wrong path. cause there is no turning back then.

Originally Posted by analog

i would take the initiative and go see a counsellor on your own and say what you wrote here. Be blunt and direct, this is real life, not a movie. Don't beat around the bush.

You need to fix this. A well fucked wife is a happy wife. It is your matrimonial responsibility to sort this out. Do it bro, take charge and fix it.

Cheers,
jim

Like your style. u did what u should. Instead of finding excuses n having affairs(hope u're not). This is the way it should be. communicate n work it out. u're husband n wife after all.

Originally Posted by HiddenAngel

A relationship is not just based on material or physcial aspect but mental and emotion feelings are equally important, this is how a relationship alive be it married or not married.

So agree with u.

[astroboy76]

Count yourself lucky if you still go through motion, for me 1 word.... SAD!

Every time got the urge to have sex, wife would just say "no mood, do it yourself!" Its like kana 4D if can get 1 time in a month! For that only 1 time, she would say, "faster finish it lah... very tired/ no mood". When hear this, very very sian, what mood also gone and for info during sex, no licking of ears, no kissing of lips, no touching of breast (don't think of licking/ sucking it), no BJ, no HJ, no AJ, no AR, just bong bong bong and thats it, no fancy dress/ costume, no foreplay, nothing, just strip and do missionary/ doggie or side.

By the way, that is before having kids.

Now got kids worse, think roughly 2~3 month once. I feel more shiok watching porn on PC and jerking myself then having sex.

Think I have a high SD but my wife.... ZERO. As a guy, its a torturing!

What will you do if you were in my shoes?

[HCKing]

Originally Posted by Niceman

Well, in life, there is no wrong or right, is a matter of choice.

A home just like a coffeeshop that got 1 stall, a chicken rice stall. If the hubby came home and the stall always closed, and required to cook his own chicken rice (PCC). But now, a lot of coffeeshop nearby all opened for business, selling all kind, having all kind of stalls. When the hubby goes over to get his food, can the home stall owner complain the business is bad, whereby the stall has not been opened for business for ages?

Just my 2 cents worth

makes alot of sense, but the problem is, does women understand such simple logic?

[analog]

Originally Posted by astroboy76

Count yourself lucky if you still go through motion, for me 1 word.... SAD!

Every time got the urge to have sex, wife would just say "no mood, do it yourself!" Its like kana 4D if can get 1 time in a month! For that only 1 time, she would say, "faster finish it lah... very tired/ no mood". When hear this, very very sian, what mood also gone and for info during sex, no licking of ears, no kissing of lips, no touching of breast (don't think of licking/ sucking it), no BJ, no HJ, no AJ, no AR, just bong bong bong and thats it, no fancy dress/ costume, no foreplay, nothing, just strip and do missionary/ doggie or side.

By the way, that is before having kids.

Now got kids worse, think roughly 2~3 month once. I feel more shiok watching porn on PC and jerking myself then having sex.

Think I have a high SD but my wife.... ZERO. As a guy, its a torturing!

What will you do if you were in my shoes?

hey Bro Astro:

I feel for you man. But....oh dear, how to say....
You had MANY warning signs that you ignored. You say she didn't like sex before the kids? oh dear:
1. Why did you marry her?
2. Why didn't you divorce her then?

Astro, you are in a real pickle but listen, a married man is NOT suppose to live as a monk. If you are, divorce is an option and i don't say that lightly. Over a 3 year period I went through the depression, crying at night, feeling sorry for myself and all that....after my wife told me she wasn't interested in sex any more. I didn't want to break up a family but...I AM NOT A MONK AND NEVER DESIRED TO BE ONE! Your mind slowly comes to terms with reality, it takes two hands to clap. If she is not interested in being a wife, I am not interested in being her husband, simple. I will be a father, absolutely but if all our marriage boils down to is baby sitting partners, I'm out. I can do that with her WITHOUT being her husband and if it costs Me 2000 a month, fine. When you explain this to your wife, do it in a low calm voice and do your research. One thing to note, the family court will send you to mandatory counselling so you might as well just call MCYS and go on your own. Go yourself first, talk to the counsellor and then your counsellor will want your wife's contact and have a session with her.

You've dug yourself into a hole here Bro and life is messy, there is no easy way out but I do know this, wanking to internet porn is not a long term solution.
One way or the other you have to do something.

Advice to all brothers, if your present girlfriend is not a sex crazed slut, dump her. I mean that. Young women are horny, at least they should be, if they are not, that bodes VERY bad for the future, dump her, its best for your both, lest you find yourself in brother Astro's shoes.

Take care of yourself first. Marriage is fundamentally a selfish thing, you decide to do it based on what you're going to get out of it. You have to recognize this at the outset. Make sure you discuss with your woman so that you know her expectations and she knows yours. Everyone is flexible to a certain extend but everyone also has certain things that they refuse to put up with in a relationship....make sure you are both clear on what's on both of your "Refuse to put up with list". Guys, make sure 'no sex' is on your list and she knows it. She'll laugh at the time because a 25 year old woman can out fuck a 27 year old guy every day of the week, no problem....but she won't be 25 years old forever and she won't be childless forever either, make sure you BOTH understand. And it can still crash and burn anyhow....aiyah....life is messy, no?

Astro, MCYS, Counsellor, go! Dot it, be a man.

Cheers,
jim

[mr nice guy]

Originally Posted by analog

Bro:

i don't know what to tell you because I simply can't relate. My wife holds my hand I get a hard on. My wife is a bit rounder after kids as well and I think its damn sexy. I think women that have had kids are radiant, they simply don't know how sexy they are. SYTs don't do much for me, nice to look at and all but a complete woman has had kids and I'm into women, not girls.

i would take the initiative and go see a counsellor on your own and say what you wrote here. Be blunt and direct, this is real life, not a movie. Don't beat around the bush.

You need to fix this. A well fucked wife is a happy wife. It is your matrimonial responsibility to sort this out. Do it bro, take charge and fix it.

Cheers,
jim

thanks jim.. but, like i said, its not my wife fault.. so, she may look like a pornstar but im still not intrested.. maybe im gay?? hahahahahah.. just kidding.. maybe im not into sex.. is tat wrong? i will only hve sex to satisfy her instead of mine..

im confused yet im happy its like this... i have other better things to do other than having sex.. like , family life, spending time with kids and wifey ( and i mean, go out shopping etc), playing soccer, practising my guitar and piano, playing computer games..

well i guess, different people different problem..