Wife & Sex - going through the motion

[Darina]

I also think that sometimes the man makes the woman feel really unappreciated or really take her for granted after a certain no. of years in a marriage.

The wife might have a libido but a woman does not want to have sex if she is feeling un-sexy or that the husband stopped trying to please her as well that it becomes one-sided that she rather not have it besides the usual work stress for both parties.

[jasdude]

Originally Posted by ferragamo

She has her own car, own credit card, no bills to pay, no work deadlines. 2 maids to help look after the kids, no housework to do, no cooking to do.

I wine her and dine her in every single celebrity restaurant in Singapore already, from Guy Savoy to Joel Robuchon

Have gifted her bags/clothes from Chanel , LV - you name it, many times throughout the year

We travel 4 to 5 times a year

Bro , seems like the fizzle is gone in your fizz ! YES You had provided like every man should and more to your woman . The stability ,the luxuries , the expensive gift ! BUT that is not all that is needed .

Women and Men do need emotional and physical companionship ( not referring to sex but the physical presence ) . Maybe through your pursuit of stabilities in life you might have neglected the emotional and physical companionship that your partner need . Life is always a balance ! I faced almost the same problems like you but i have no kids and my partner and i ended with a consensual divorce . We lost that feeling that brought us together ; we realized that we were total strangers when we discussed about this thus we both signed the divorce papers willingly .

[timcrusader]

Wow bros, didn't know this shit happens to so many people! Quite amazing. Is this just a Singaporean thing? Because when I was in China, I remembered fucking many willing milfs.

P.S. My parents who are in their 60s are also active. Needed the spare keys once and I went and opened a in their room and saw KY and condoms. LMAO!!! Surprised me just a bit. They have 4 children.

Originally Posted by analog

And this is how life is with a Singaporean wife my friends. And young boys who are still in the GF/BF stage, save your advice. You have no idea how that little slut you have for a GF right now will change once you marry her and she has a kid. You simply have NO IDEA!

I went to a marriage course when I was a teenager, church related thing, married priest (yes, there are such things) and he said this:
"Couples marry with the man thinking his wife will never change and the woman thinking she will change her future husband. They're both wrong."

How true that has turned out to be.

Cheers,
jim

Your post, from head to toe made a very good read, thanks for sharing.

Originally Posted by cawca

Well said!!! A good warning to all the young punks out there

Also, take your time and don't be in a rush to marry. A guy can afford to wait even till he's in his 40s. Plus, you don't have to only choose from the small pool of sg gals. Hope you realise that sg guys have plenty of options and choices

Excellently said. SG girls may think that it's a 'duty' and after being a mom, got to 'behave'. Perhaps they find it hard to get the child to 'resepct' them if they're behaving in the same 'cum on my face and fuck me hard' way when they were GFs? So now, being a mom, got to be more 'serious'??

Otherwise, hard to tell the children to behave and sit still at breakfast while getting anal like a slut at night? So they switch over to the other side... become matronly and all 'disciplined'.

Originally Posted by trekk

bro, i too share the same experience. i got almost near zero sex after our kid is born. have been resisting all the way not to try anything farnie outside. Family comes first. But still all the sexual urges unreleased, unable to contain them any more.
luckily i got 2 good lady pals to share it with, but dun think can have any chance of having any fun with either of them. As they are happily married and attached. Still sexual discussions with them makes me real turned on and super horny. i never tought mast with that tought was ever better than making love with my wife. but its proven otherwise for me.

I am sure, your 2 lady pals.... after listening to you, will provide very good sex to their husbands because they have seen the other side of the fence (from your heart to heart sharing). Perhaps the KEY to solve this problem would be to get male friends of your wife to share the same problems? LOL. Bizarre idea but may work, especially if that friend confessed that he would soon need to find a prostitute or hire a mistress, etc. Then your wife would be in the position of your 2 lady pals. Suddenly enlightened. When people see other's sufferings on first hand, usually they avoid the conditions which might cause that suffering.

Originally Posted by ferragamo

Ya, the facial expression is so demoralizing, mine just close the eyes and lie still... I feel like I am torturing her like that

and I know what you mean about your heart sinking

I spoke to my wife and she said she is not that into sex anymore, I had that same sinking feeling as you.
Talk abit more she say if I not happy, she can pretend and act for me

Kanina....

As I don't want to look for FL, this means that my sex life for the rest of my life is screwed... Really lost like you

bro ferragamo, thanks for starting this thread which got many bros to open up and share... and the others learn from your experiences. My heart goes to you and I hope you may find a solution which makes everyone happy.
Lastly, I salute you for your faithfulness to your wife and respect to your marriage vows, even attesting to us, strangers thatt you don't want to look for FL. Even though you are in such a situation. RESPECT!

Originally Posted by Absolute

His philosophy is simple: Man can live life meaningfully without sex. Look at monks. As such, he has developed a hobby he is very passionate about - motor cycles. In fact, he told me that he can clean his motorbike for one entire day without even thinking about sex or copulating his wife and other women.

His advice for sexually-frustrated married man is this: don't see sex as a must-have. Without sex, you are even healthier. Divert your mind to something more constructive such as doing charity work or pursuing a hobby. He believes that our mind is able to help you overcome your sexual desire and live a more fulfilling life.

Good luck!

This is a man really worth respecting. Thanks for sharing bro.

Originally Posted by zacarie

It's fine if i'm the one holding. but it a poor small kid helping the mummy. Tt's what pisses me off. u have the aunties rushing thru n worse the men.. tsk tsk.. we can be standing there w 10ppl passing thru n not a single word of thanks. dont help or say thank u nvm lah. but at least a smile?

Sorry ts.. always off topic..

Welcome to Singapore. LOL. We can start smiling and hope it changes things. Always funny when everyone bashes the FTs in SG but when 8 people enter the lift... only the pinay look at me and say thanks. Then I really wonder what SG is all about.

[ferragamo]

Thanks to all so far for the comments

I noticed one trend in this topic - many guys/girls are assuming the lack of sex/less interest in sex in the marriage is because of the husband...

Comments like the husband is:
1) not romantic anymore
2) changed since marriage
3) not helping out the wife at home
4) not understanding that the wife is too stressed from work

On the other side, I only see one comment that the wife is at fault - and that is attributed to hormones after giving birth

Why if there is a problem with sex in the marriage, the main reason must be the husbands fault ?

And then in the end, if due to sex problems , the husband has affair - he is the typical man, only think about his cock.

But if the wife has affair - many can sympathize with the women, oh must be the husband fucked up

So when is it the women's fault? Seems like never

[timcrusader]

bro ferragamo, I will never say it's the husband's fault if the wife has an affair. That is pretty clean cut. No matter what, whoever has the affair is the slut. husband or wife. I for one would never be one of those who point at the husband and say it's his fault if the wife fucks around. Never.

[charisme]

Originally Posted by ferragamo

Thanks to all so far for the comments

I noticed one trend in this topic - many guys/girls are assuming the lack of sex/less interest in sex in the marriage is because of the husband...

Comments like the husband is:
1) not romantic anymore
2) changed since marriage
3) not helping out the wife at home
4) not understanding that the wife is too stressed from work

On the other side, I only see one comment that the wife is at fault - and that is attributed to hormones after giving birth

Why if there is a problem with sex in the marriage, the main reason must be the husbands fault ?

And then in the end, if due to sex problems , the husband has affair - he is the typical man, only think about his cock.

But if the wife has affair - many can sympathize with the women, oh must be the husband fucked up

So when is it the women's fault? Seems like never

when a man have an affair outside. they always blames their wives. wives have become unattractive, not sexy, old hag, tired. Because u man have this mentality u make us feel all that. if u dont assure her that she is still as sexy as before. u're still as attracted to her as before. y would she not want to make love w u. If u did do all that and your wife still dont feel the need to make love with u. then i guess the sex drive have really been thrown out of the window. flush down the toilet bowl.

No matter whose fault is it or cause the marriage to break down. the person who have an affair outside is the one at fault. and if u still stayed loyal to your partner despite all that and they dont change. and if the love/sparks are gone. then end it. dont hurt the other party by doing all these.

[peanut123]

You are fucking your sis in law ??? Wow bro, you have balls man. It's bad enough you are cheating on your wife, but to do it with her sister is asking for alot of trouble. Careful you and she don't get caught. The family will cruxify you 2.

Originally Posted by kellylover

My present escape is my sis in law - FB with emtional support and she listens and understands what i am going through.

[S.B.Y.1]

TS is keepping it 'within the family'

[bully]

Originally Posted by ferragamo

Thanks to all so far for the comments

I noticed one trend in this topic - many guys/girls are assuming the lack of sex/less interest in sex in the marriage is because of the husband...

Comments like the husband is:
1) not romantic anymore
2) changed since marriage
3) not helping out the wife at home
4) not understanding that the wife is too stressed from work

On the other side, I only see one comment that the wife is at fault - and that is attributed to hormones after giving birth

Why if there is a problem with sex in the marriage, the main reason must be the husbands fault ?

And then in the end, if due to sex problems , the husband has affair - he is the typical man, only think about his cock.

But if the wife has affair - many can sympathize with the women, oh must be the husband fucked up

So when is it the women's fault? Seems like never

Hi bro ferragamo, long time never chat with you. Looks like your prob is not getting any better. Ever thought of a long holiday with your wifey? Only the two of you. Like a second honeymoon.

[cawca]

Originally Posted by charisme

when a man have an affair outside. they always blames their wives. wives have become unattractive, not sexy, old hag, tired. Because u man have this mentality u make us feel all that. if u dont assure her that she is still as sexy as before. u're still as attracted to her as before. y would she not want to make love w u. If u did do all that and your wife still dont feel the need to make love with u. then i guess the sex drive have really been thrown out of the window. flush down the toilet bowl.

No matter whose fault is it or cause the marriage to break down. the person who have an affair outside is the one at fault. and if u still stayed loyal to your partner despite all that and they dont change. and if the love/sparks are gone. then end it. dont hurt the other party by doing all these.

1. It's not just men who blame their wives but also women who blame their husbands. When men get together, they talk about soccer, politics or work. When women get together, they talk about sales, the lastest gossip or complain about their husbands.

2. It's unfair that most still think it's the man who has to take more responsibility in maintaining the romance and love between spouses. Women must start to understand that equality is not about being equals but about having shared responsibilities.

3. 'Love' is not just about 'sparks' but is a decision and commitment. In marriage, it's a commitment made 'till death .....'. The fact is that more women initiate divorce than men yet the latest I've heard is that the number of women having affairs is about the same as that for men.

4. An affair to me is not just something physical. Therefore, the very act of continually forsaking ones spouse is already a form of 'betrayal' and 'affair'. In fact, an 'emotional' affair would be harder to break-off than one that is purely 'physical'.

[charisme]

Originally Posted by cawca

1. It's not just men who blame their wives but also women who blame their husbands. When men get together, they talk about soccer, politics or work. When women get together, they talk about sales, the lastest gossip or complain about their husbands.

2. It's unfair that most still think it's the man who has to take more responsibility in maintaining the romance and love between spouses. Women must start to understand that equality is not about being equals but about having shared responsibilities.

3. 'Love' is not just about 'sparks' but is a decision and commitment. In marriage, it's a commitment made 'till death .....'. The fact is that more women initiate divorce than men yet the latest I've heard is that the number of women having affairs is about the same as that for men.

4. An affair to me is not just something physical. Therefore, the very act of continually forsaking ones spouse is already a form of 'betrayal' and 'affair'. In fact, an 'emotional' affair would be harder to break-off than one that is purely 'physical'.

I suppose u're one of the lucky ones with a good relationship with your wife and having a good sex life. Marriage is also to honour n be faithful to ur spouse. Not just a commitment. So i feel whoever started the affair first is the one who did wrong to the family. Be it the man or wife. It something u know u shouldnt do..

[HCKing]

this topic has appeared countless times in this forum over the years. modern women (SG type) hardly ever place man's interests over theirs, partly due to being overly pampered by the new age pussy-pleasing men and also all the emphasis on gender equality. we all know a hen-pecked guy hardly has any power to overrule the dowager's decisions.

little wonder y more and more local guys are marrying foreign ladies instead.

[cawca]

Originally Posted by charisme

I suppose u're one of the lucky ones with a good relationship with your wife and having a good sex life. Marriage is also to honour n be faithful to ur spouse. Not just a commitment. So i feel whoever started the affair first is the one who did wrong to the family. Be it the man or wife. It something u know u shouldnt do..

Very often, neither is completely free from fault where any complications of a relationship arises. As the saying goes 'it takes 2 hands to clap' and it takes maturity to realize that.

So, unless parties are able to forgive and admit there own faults, and most importantly are willing to work towards improving their relationship, a marriage will most likely fail. The 'blame game' will just continue and there will most certainly be no winners.

[charisme]

Originally Posted by cawca

Very often, neither is completely free from fault where any complications of a relationship arises. As the saying goes 'it takes 2 hands to clap' and it takes maturity to realize that.

So, unless parties are able to forgive and admit there own faults, and most importantly are willing to work towards improving their relationship, a marriage will most likely fail. The 'blame game' will just continue and there will most certainly be no winners.

Yup. blame game..
i took the way out. Adding on to the statistics.

[ferragamo]

Originally Posted by Blinky852

Went thru the same thing. Does the reason for it really ever matters?

Made attempts to talk about it but lead nowhere. When try to be intimate see her reaction and response immediately dulan lose all urge to do anything.

Haven't fucked for 5 years but hey god didn't give us hands for nothing you know.

Good to hear your story also

So what do you think about comments like these:

Comments like the husband is:
1) not romantic anymore
2) changed since marriage
3) not helping out the wife at home
4) not understanding that the wife is too stressed from work

These are the often blamed cause of the wife not wanting sex

Do give your opinion