Wife & Sex - going through the motion

[mentosmint]

Originally Posted by bernardlee

Thank you Bro Wizrd! I managed to have sex with my wife finally.

It is the second sexual encounter in the last 5 years. Ya, it is very pathetic.

The plan of "telling my wife that I will be finding my own way to release myself outside" woke her up.

But after the ML (dead fish type), few days later she complained sick, blaming me that I am full of virus. WTF! I am good and healthy.

Not looking good now ... back to dry run again. Sian

Tell her that after another few rounds of ML, she will not fall sick again. Haha and there is always this after sex glow ...

Maybe some woman are simply not comfortable with sex and need alot more encouragement. I used to dread sex (if u ever read my story)...
But now, it's a totally different story with my hubby.

[JavX]

Originally Posted by bernardlee

Thank you Bro Wizrd! I managed to have sex with my wife finally.

It is the second sexual encounter in the last 5 years. Ya, it is very pathetic.

The plan of "telling my wife that I will be finding my own way to release myself outside" woke her up.

But after the ML (dead fish type), few days later she complained sick, blaming me that I am full of virus. WTF! I am good and healthy.

Not looking good now ... back to dry run again. Sian

Wow.. 2 times in 5 years.. and blaming you for her sickness sounds excessively unreasonable. how do you endure this?


I think I will be heading that path one of these days. I've never ate outside nor be unfaithful, but my situation is driving me towards that direction one of these days

[Wizrd]

Originally Posted by bernardlee

Thank you Bro Wizrd! I managed to have sex with my wife finally.

It is the second sexual encounter in the last 5 years. Ya, it is very pathetic.

The plan of "telling my wife that I will be finding my own way to release myself outside" woke her up.

But after the ML (dead fish type), few days later she complained sick, blaming me that I am full of virus. WTF! I am good and healthy.

Not looking good now ... back to dry run again. Sian

Good job bro...

At least the first step of the plan worked...

Now, do not let her stick to her conditions...otherwise, your next sex will be in 5 years' time again...tell her you wish to follow a schedule of at least 2-3 times a week. Work out convenient times for the both of you...

If she refuses...then tell her this: "I love you very much but we have already talked about the sexual needs of a man. If you really do not want to make love to me, then I shall respect your wishes. However, please respect my wish to have sex 3 times a week. Like we discussed, if it is not with you, then I want your agreement that I can have sex with other women. I give you two choices to choose from: either I only have sex with the same woman all the time, or I have sex with different women everytime. You choose."

Then sit back and wait for her answer. Do not allow her to change the subject to blame this blame that...press for an answer...I believe, 90% of the time, she will choose to have sex with you...

I hope you realise that it will not last. She will slowly cut back and eventually you will be back to square one.

But...what you have done is sown the seed...the seed of you having sex with other women should she not fulfill her side of the agreement...and you can bring this up if she cuts sex back again to less than 2 times a week.

I know it's tough bro...to be harsh on the woman you love...but tough love is required here or you will lose your mind eventually...instead of love, all you will have is resentment of her...and that is much worse...

Good luck bro...don't give up now....jia you!!!


.

[Wizrd]

Originally Posted by mentosmint

Tell her that after another few rounds of ML, she will not fall sick again. Haha and there is always this after sex glow ...

Maybe some woman are simply not comfortable with sex and need alot more encouragement. I used to dread sex (if u ever read my story)...
But now, it's a totally different story with my hubby.

Hi sis,

Please tell us why you dread sex with your husband. Maybe knowing why can help all the bros here figure out how to talk to their wives...

Please do not just say dread....give us your thought process, the emotions you felt and the logic you used to avoid sex...

If you need to, have a conversation with me so I can ask you one question at a time...either here or through pm...might be easier than just writing an essay about it. Nevertheless sis, it will help a few of the bros here...

Thanks in advance...

.

[mentosmint]

Originally Posted by Wizrd

Hi sis,

Please tell us why you dread sex with your husband. Maybe knowing why can help all the bros here figure out how to talk to their wives...

Please do not just say dread....give us your thought process, the emotions you felt and the logic you used to avoid sex...

If you need to, have a conversation with me so I can ask you one question at a time...either here or through pm...might be easier than just writing an essay about it. Nevertheless sis, it will help a few of the bros here...

Thanks in advance...

.

Dread sex with previous bf. just not comfortable. The ex bf just interested in sticking in, pump, cum n that's it. No tots about getting me already n aroused. Anyway, maybe I was young back then. Felt used.

My hubby (now) dotes me a lot, to the point I think I am spoiled. He does most of the housework, cooks and even sent the kids to school in the morning, allowing me to sleep till whatever time I want, we do not employ domestic helper. I felt respect, loved n treasured. (How many husband does that? I dunno)

So woman do need to have emotional to have sex, but to actively participate in the act, really depends on how comfortable she is with her own body.

I allowed my hubby to examine me everywhere and anywhere, cos he has somewhat 'trained' me to relax n let him explore to his heart content. I used to reject sex toys too, but now I am showing him where to place to better stimulate me. Initially, i wasn't comfortable to let him explore everywhere like I am a laboratory rat by simply laying on our bed and spreading wide for him machiam like see gynae like that.

[mentosmint]

Originally Posted by Wizrd

Good job bro...

At least the first step of the plan worked...

Now, do not let her stick to her conditions...otherwise, your next sex will be in 5 years' time again...tell her you wish to follow a schedule of at least 2-3 times a week. Work out convenient times for the both of you...

If she refuses...then tell her this: "I love you very much but we have already talked about the sexual needs of a man. If you really do not want to make love to me, then I shall respect your wishes. However, please respect my wish to have sex 3 times a week. Like we discussed, if it is not with you, then I want your agreement that I can have sex with other women. I give you two choices to choose from: either I only have sex with the same woman all the time, or I have sex with different women everytime. You choose."

Then sit back and wait for her answer. Do not allow her to change the subject to blame this blame that...press for an answer...I believe, 90% of the time, she will choose to have sex with you...

I hope you realise that it will not last. She will slowly cut back and eventually you will be back to square one.

But...what you have done is sown the seed...the seed of you having sex with other women should she not fulfill her side of the agreement...and you can bring this up if she cuts sex back again to less than 2 times a week.

I know it's tough bro...to be harsh on the woman you love...but tough love is required here or you will lose your mind eventually...instead of love, all you will have is resentment of her...and that is much worse...

Good luck bro...don't give up now....jia you!!!


.

This method do not work for all woman. Feels to me like a threat.
If I get this from my man, he sure die until very ugly.

[smay]

Originally Posted by mentosmint

This method do not work for all woman. Feels to me like a threat.
If I get this from my man, he sure die until very ugly.

Originally Posted by Wizrd

Good job bro...

At least the first step of the plan worked...

Now, do not let her stick to her conditions...otherwise, your next sex will be in 5 years' time again...tell her you wish to follow a schedule of at least 2-3 times a week. Work out convenient times for the both of you...

If she refuses...then tell her this: "I love you very much but we have already talked about the sexual needs of a man. If you really do not want to make love to me, then I shall respect your wishes. However, please respect my wish to have sex 3 times a week. Like we discussed, if it is not with you, then I want your agreement that I can have sex with other women. I give you two choices to choose from: either I only have sex with the same woman all the time, or I have sex with different women everytime. You choose."

Then sit back and wait for her answer. Do not allow her to change the subject to blame this blame that...press for an answer...I believe, 90% of the time, she will choose to have sex with you...

.

Bro,

Our sister is right. You don't understand women. I shall not say I understand woman fully. But I can say I do understand 90% of my wife mindset.

She asked me sometimes back as to how do I feel about her or how much do I know her. Guess what is my reply:"sometimes you are like my mother, sometimes you are my lovely wife and sometimes you are my younger daughter (We have a 19 yo daughter). She remained silent.

[Wizrd]

Originally Posted by mentosmint

This method do not work for all woman. Feels to me like a threat.
If I get this from my man, he sure die until very ugly.

Sweetie...if you haven't given your man sex in 5 years...the relationship already died until very ugly already...she just doesnt want to see it yet...

Maybe you joined half way...go read the previous posts to see how we finally got bro bernardlee to have sex with his wife after 5 years.

To you, this thread maybe just a group of unhappy husbands complaining...let me say this to you now sis...

I respect them...that's why I want to help...I have been there and been through all this...but I am not as strong as them...they insist on staying faithful...for me, after 2.5 years, I just said fuck it...and have been fucking happily ever since...just not with one woman...(actually, not even the same woman in any one year)

I know their conviction...I understanding why they keep trying...

My own point of view is...no point trying...and I have said this many times...just eat outside...she will never know since she doesn't have sex with you at all...but they won't...these bros want to stick with heir wives...

Screw the sweet talk because they have done that...screw the fore play because they have tried that too...if a woman refuses to relax and have sex...the guy lan lan right?...worse when the woman is the wife and the husband is too pig-headed about eating outside...

For a man, sex is it...part of being a man....he did not get it for 5 years...to you, a woman, maybe communication and intimacy is the most important...can you imagine your husband, whom you have been giving sex to....refuses to communicate (talk) with you for 5 years??? Do you still consider that a marriage??

So there you have it...die until very ugly?? Sis, you do not know what ugly is...


.

[Wizrd]

Originally Posted by mentosmint

Dread sex with previous bf. just not comfortable. The ex bf just interested in sticking in, pump, cum n that's it. No tots about getting me already n aroused. Anyway, maybe I was young back then. Felt used.

My hubby (now) dotes me a lot, to the point I think I am spoiled. He does most of the housework, cooks and even sent the kids to school in the morning, allowing me to sleep till whatever time I want, we do not employ domestic helper. I felt respect, loved n treasured. (How many husband does that? I dunno)

So woman do need to have emotional to have sex, but to actively participate in the act, really depends on how comfortable she is with her own body.

I allowed my hubby to examine me everywhere and anywhere, cos he has somewhat 'trained' me to relax n let him explore to his heart content. I used to reject sex toys too, but now I am showing him where to place to better stimulate me. Initially, i wasn't comfortable to let him explore everywhere like I am a laboratory rat by simply laying on our bed and spreading wide for him machiam like see gynae like that.

Oh, so it is with a different man...

It won't help here because the bros here do not want to change partners...yet.

Thanks anyway...


.

[Wizrd]

Originally Posted by smay

Bro,

Our sister is right. You don't understand women. I shall not say I understand woman fully. But I can say I do understand 90% of my wife mindset.

She asked me sometimes back as to how do I feel about her or how much do I know her. Guess what is my reply:"sometimes you are like my mother, sometimes you are my lovely wife and sometimes you are my younger daughter (We have a 19 yo daughter). She remained silent.

Yes bro...I do not fully understand women...

I don't feel the need to fully understand them though...I have been fucking around for the last 20 years...I have no trouble getting women...

Trouble starts when the heart gets involved...because once she knows it...she can (consciously or not) blackmail me with her actions...

I do not play their game...so what happens? They have to play mine...

Yes, I agree...I may never experience the love these bros feel from their wives and children...but it is a trade off I am willing to accept...

I have been there...begging every night...to this one woman who proclaims that she loves me...yet, obviously does not love me enough to 'entertain' me for a few minutes, by letting me have sex with her body...by the one year no-sex stage...I didn't care about making love to her any more...I just wanted release with a warm female body...with the woman who made me believe that she loves me...

It was around the end of the second year that I realised...fuck me...there are plenty of warm female bodies out there...and they do not even ask for forever, or a house, or a car...just buy them a drink...chat and listen to them a bit...and they will fuck me...not dead fish style...not letting me use their bodies...but actually participate and actually fuck me...why?? Simply because they wanted to...they say they like me...

Dear oh dear...here is a woman who wants to fuck me because she likes me, and she doesn't even know my full name yet...then there is this woman who says she LOVES me, holds all my assets and money...but just will not fuck me...

Which one should I choose to hang out with? Physically, it's a no brainier right??

Yes, it was tough to part with all my money and assets...but I thought it through...what the hell? Having all the money in the world but live a miserable life is just not what I want...

I gave her not half bro...I gave her everything...I walked out with just the clothes I was wearing...

Oh wait...I did not die...not having a woman say she loves me did not kill me...

I now know...do I need the bullshit of emotional blackmail? Hell no.

I like the women I'm with...and they like me...otherwise they won't hang around...I just don't allow myself and them, to get to a point when I can use money or they can use sex to control each other...I like to think we have more balance relationships...

Nevertheless...I understand what these bros are going through...I see them struggling with their choices...they are not me...and I will never be them again...so what do we do?

I give them suggestions...that I agree...will not work for a functional family husband and wife setting...but we are not dealing with functional husband and wife situations here (read my reply above)...drastic measures are needed...and yes, finally, one of the bros got sex for the first time in a long long time...


Does the means justify the end?? I don't know...I can only suggest what works as far as I can see...if you have a better, workable idea, by all means share it? Some of these bros have been dry for many years...they do not need theories and nice words....they need results...

Please...give them your best ideas...if you don't have a workable solution...hey, mine is working...so let's try mine for a while...ok??


.

[smay]

Originally Posted by Wizrd

Yes bro...I do not fully understand women...

I don't feel the need to fully understand them though...I have been fucking around for the last 20 years...I have no trouble getting women...

Please...give them your best ideas...if you don't have a workable solution...hey, mine is working...so let's try mine for a while...ok??

.

At least it work for that guy.

Originally Posted by mentosmint

This method do not work for all woman. Feels to me like a threat.
If I get this from my man, he sure die until very ugly.

Most woman will have this respond.

Originally Posted by smay

Bro,

Our sister is right. You don't understand women. I shall not say I understand woman fully. But I can say I do understand 90% of my wife mindset.

She asked me sometimes back as to how do I feel about her or how much do I know her. Guess what is my reply:"sometimes you are like my mother, sometimes you are my lovely wife and sometimes you are my younger daughter (We have a 19 yo daughter). She remained silent.

Bro,

By saying the sister is right doesn't mean that I support her action. I said it is right because this will be the respond many woman will have against her husband for such a threat.

I am not disapprove your solution at least it works for that guy. But what's next; he cannot use the same threat again and again. while this is a success, he must build on to it and make it permanent.

From your posts, I can tell that you are a person with great confident. To get women sure is a easy task to you, and so do I. But it took me many years to realize how to keep a good relationship with my wife balancing the family life and sex life.

We do not understand woman fully; this includes my wife.

So that's talk about man: we like to remember good and happy occasions; forget painful and sad experiences but woman is a reverse. We easily forgive and forget what was done wrong to us but this won't happen to a woman. We are normally rational but woman often emotional. This leads to my comments to my wife that she is like my mother, at times my lovely wife and sometimes she is like my younger daughter.

PS: I was not English educated, Please bear with my poor language.

[Wizrd]

Originally Posted by smay

Bro,

By saying the sister is right doesn't mean that I support her action.....
.

Hi bro...

So sorry if I made you feel that I was pointing at you in my last post...I wasn't ok bro?

I was just using your point and was yelling at the universe...

Sure bro, men and women are so different that we will never fully understand each other...BUT...

The only thing, in nature, that a man and a woman are both built to do together...is sex...

Yes, we can blame the changing rules that prevent men from having 3-4 wives...we can blame the women lib movement....we can blame our own stupidity that we subscribed to the one man one woman, till death do us part romanticism...

But blaming gets us nowhere...

We have a problem...a situation...and drastic measures are needed...

Please go back (maybe 2 pages) where I gave bro Bernardlee my plan...

Yes, it was meant as a threat...but what has he got to lose? I already told him that the worst case scenario is she divorces him. At that point, it would have been a relief, even if he does not agree.

Men should not live like that after marriage...not in the modern age...in the old days, yes, maybe sex once a year is better than no sex...but in today's world??? In Sg???
No frigging way!!!!

Sex is everywhere...forget temptation bro...none is needed...you cannot turn on the tv without seeing at least a sex scene every hour...legal and illegal prostitutes are available...even 18 yo are talking about finding a fuck buddy...damn...I did not even understand the concept of sex fully at 18...now they have fuck buddies?? And who are these women willing to be their fuck buddies?? Yes, unless 1000 guys are sharing the same woman as their FB...there must be close to 1000 women liking sex with these boys right??

Do NOT believe for a second that women dislike sex and that sex is a chore to them...they simply CHOOSE to see it as a chore when it suits them...


So we know, single guys are fucking around having the time of their lives...ok, not all of them...but my point is...they can...right??

But here...a guy feels enough love for a woman, that he is willing to give up that lifestyle, or even the possibility of living that lifestyle...to commit all of him to her...and she repays that promise by withholding sex??????

WTF...what did he make the promise for??

So that he can help with the housework? Wait, he already did that at his own home befor marriage...To pcc every night when wife says no??? Wait, he already did that before marriage...So that he can have children?? Wait, millions of children are born out of wedlock...where did they come from???

If I, as a single guy, fucks around...I'm a stud and actually more women check me out...but if a husband fucks around, he is an unfaithful, heartless bastard who cheated on hs wife...

So marriage is not a good thing for guys right?? What is the benefit, if not the hope and promise of regular sex, with someone he cares for...

Now if we remove the sex...then the guy has given up everything in return for absolutely nothing...Well, nothing a single guy cannot get from somewhere anyway...but shit...he is married, so he cannot (should not) use the methods a single guy can freely use...

Why???? What has he done to deserve this fate?? All he did...was to commit to a woman he believes he loves...one...single...mistake...

We want to love...we need to love...

But I will say this till my dying breath...to both men and women...

If you do not love yourself enough to make your own life better, you are incapable of loving anyone else because it will only be lip service.

If she wants a divorce...so be it...

I know, not all the bros can handle that...

But guys...you have to decide where the line is drawn...what is the end game??

Do you want to end up telling people...(like some bros posted) that actually, growing plants and raring fish is healthier than having sex? So glad your wife forced you into such a healthy lifestyle...now you will live 15 years longer...15 more years of no sex...great...thanks! But no thanks!!!

I cannot tell any bro here that divorce is the way for them...and I am not saying that...I am just saying...

What are the alternatives??? Do something about it or forever hold your peace...

Is divorce painful? Yes! Will you die because of it? No!!

Once you have stared divorce in the face, and feel no fear...you are now ready to negotiate with your wife, and try to make your marital relationship better...

Do not try to do it one minute earlier because she will use the D word and you will give in.

.

[analog]

Originally Posted by bernardlee

Thank you Bro Wizrd! I managed to have sex with my wife finally.

It is the second sexual encounter in the last 5 years. Ya, it is very pathetic.

The plan of "telling my wife that I will be finding my own way to release myself outside" woke her up.

But after the ML (dead fish type), few days later she complained sick, blaming me that I am full of virus. WTF! I am good and healthy.

Not looking good now ... back to dry run again. Sian

Bro:

Off to MCYS to see a cousellor...on your own first. Then have the counsellour call your wife at work, warn her of course. Trust me, the fact that you did this on your own will BLOW YOUR WIFE away. Its very instructive to sit in a room with a female cousellor and she politiely asks your wife why she refuses to have sex. Your wife's eyes will be as big a saucers, I know, I've seen it myself. It seems to come as such a shock to the current crop of Singaporean Tai-Tais that their first responsibility is to have sex with their husband. Having a coucellor explain that to them is sometimes all it needs. Its a pity their mothers aren't doing that.

Do it, you have nothing to lose.

Cheers,
jim

[analog]

Originally Posted by Wizrd

Good job bro...

At least the first step of the plan worked...

Now, do not let her stick to her conditions...otherwise, your next sex will be in 5 years' time again...tell her you wish to follow a schedule of at least 2-3 times a week. Work out convenient times for the both of you...

If she refuses...then tell her this: "I love you very much but we have already talked about the sexual needs of a man. If you really do not want to make love to me, then I shall respect your wishes. However, please respect my wish to have sex 3 times a week. Like we discussed, if it is not with you, then I want your agreement that I can have sex with other women. I give you two choices to choose from: either I only have sex with the same woman all the time, or I have sex with different women everytime. You choose.".

Bro, this won't work.

You're treating her like she's a guy, she isn't, she's a woman so you can forget using logic, that doesn't work. But the MAJOR flaw in this line of attack is the ultimatum, that never works. If you back someone into a corner, they will fight back. I'd advise against that.

Counselling is best because it immediately disarms her defences. In her mind, if all you thought about was sex, you'd just get a mistress but you didn't, you went to see a cousellour. In a really strange way, many women see that as being romantic because it means you want to save the marriage. Look at it from a practical perspective, the family court will make you go to a counsellor if you sue for divorce so get it out of the way.

Just my thoughts.

Cheers,
jim

[Wizrd]

Originally Posted by analog

Bro, this won't work.

You're treating her like she's a guy, she isn't, she's a woman so you can forget using logic, that doesn't work. But the MAJOR flaw in this line of attack is the ultimatum, that never works. If you back someone into a corner, they will fight back. I'd advise against that.

Counselling is best because it immediately disarms her defences. In her mind, if all you thought about was sex, you'd just get a mistress but you didn't, you went to see a cousellour. In a really strange way, many women see that as being romantic because it means you want to save the marriage. Look at it from a practical perspective, the family court will make you go to a counsellor if you sue for divorce so get it out of the way.

Just my thoughts.

Cheers,
jim

Thanks Jim...

I hear you but I disagree.

The whole point in the plan is the ultimatum...It is not for her to understand (because they have already spoken and she did not agree or accept logic)...it is to let her know that she is going to lose her husband if she continues to deny him sex. (either permanently or to sex workers.)

Yes, backed her into a corner...what is her fight back?? Refuse him sex???
I am hoping her fight back will be to have sex with her husband so that he will stop his silly thoughts of sleeping around.

At every stage, she is given the option to sleep with her husband, and all will be forgiven...and that is all our bros here are asking for...

It does not always work for 'smart' women to hear a professional tell her that she should have sex with the husband...the fact that the husband found this counsellor will stink to high heavens to her...now she will feel humiliated that her husband will 'gang up' with an outsider, another woman no less, to 'talk down' to her about neglecting her duties. (a male counsellor is worse, because what does he know about being a wife?)

Maybe it worked for you, bro...but I reckon it will backfire more often than it works...unless...the wife is the one who finds the counsellor...then the chance of success is higher...however...she doesn't think she has a problem so she won't go looking for one...END OF YOUR PLAN!!!

I had an FB who was a counsellor at a secondary school...and she resigned because she became the source of blame when all she was doing was to counsel the difficult students along with their parents...well, parent and child ganged up on her, basically told her to mind her own business...maybe the parents knew their kids are not putting in effort, but having an outsider say it brought their backs up...'stay out of our family issues bitch.' was the final straw for my FB as a counsellor.

While this may not happen to your marriage counsellor...I guarantee that 70-80% of husbands will get it when they get home...

Do NOT underestimate a woman when it comes to wrath and vengeance. And their 'cattiness' when dealing with another woman interfering with her private life... The lost of face means revenge will come so hard and fast that our bros won't even have the time to say sorry. (as a sis here said...he will die until very ugly...)


Like I said...my plan is not perfect, but no plan is...mine is starting to work though...changing plan now will weaken our bros' position and he will be lucky to go back only to square one...

The best defence is to attack...not physically, but idealogically...she wants a husband? Better start behaving like a wife...

Who is better to say that to a wife than her husband??

All in all...this is all just my opinion...

I only wish I thought of this before walking out on my ex wife all those years ago...I still feel I never forced the issue enough and she never had the chance to see how determined I really was...Could she and I work out? We will never ever know now...

I'd just like to spare the bros here the same mistake I made...

And yes, get a divorce and let the court assign a counsellor...at least it is not his choice...but starting a divorce comes from the ultimatum...


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