Wife & Sex - going through the motion

[Rickey]

Originally Posted by sluttymistress

that's really sad. i wonder what's wrong with the majority of women. sex is enjoyable and meant to be enjoyed.

Originally Posted by BabyJane

Firstly, I cannot begin to understand the mentality of these wives. Maybe I should not comment since I am not married. But then again, wives who refuse sex with their husbands deserve to get shot. I don't think any of the reasons that they use can justify the refusal of having sex. They're more like excuses. I don't think there is a clause in the marriage vows that state no sex once you have kids or too busy in juggling work and family. So am I to understand that these wives stop feeling horny a few years into the marriage? I find that hard to believe. Then they shouldn't blame their husbands for having affairs or FBs or paying for sex. The problem with these women is that they fail to understand that sex is very much a part of their marriage. I pity all the bros here with such wives, which makes me wonder if this is really a Singaporean thing.

Originally Posted by westendgirl

as a woman, i m guilty of these two traits too, Rickey.
these two r interlinked. i m working on the unforgiving part now. but to be more forgiving, i have to be less sensitive in the first place. so now, i trust more and chap less with my partner. i cant speak for other women cos it is easy for me. i dont see him that often and it will be r/s suicidal to be suspicious all the time. although i feel more insecure now to put so much trust in my man but i actually feel better. it is a trade-off and i m happy for it.

as for the main topic, i dont go through the motion, cos i m not the wife. i m not being trivial here but our r/s is more lust than love. although i like it to be the other way round but truth be told, i know my position. still on wife and sex, i deduce he is not the go=through motion type. we had been in this r/s for awhile and he is still very patience and passionate. guess it boils down to how much interest you have on pleasing each other. for us, sex is the glue that bind us together. so we just try a little harder.

Thank you v. much to the 3 sis above for coming in to share ur views on tis serious issue of wives refusing sex to their HBs n for understanding, appreciating n empathising the position of HBs in such sexless marriages ! or even those still fortunate enough to be able to "Go thru' the motions" wif their partners like dead fish on the bed...n thanks esp to sis WEG for being so frank abt her own weaknesses to forgive others and having the desire to work to improve on them herself. Kudos to her !! ..Such understanding gals are rare to find in SG n they shd be very much valued and treasured. ...I always believe tat if SEX IS NOT NEEDED, there is really no compelling reason to get married. They can jus simply be two good friends doing things they happen to like tgt at their own convenience w/o being tied down by the complications of marriage and sex..

To sis BabyJane...yes, indeed !..its true...it seems so frm so many bros' testimonies here tat esp after the children are borned, their wives' desire for sex is thrown out of the window. ..possibly cos as women ages, so too their sex drives diminishes...till zero 1 fine day !..women at age 50 n above esp (after menopause) can go w/o sex anytime beta than men their same age. They will point out tat having sex will not bring food to ur table, working to earn ur income does...so which is more impt ?? .so yes !..sis, its really happening here in SG !!...sigh

Originally Posted by gizbabe

Dr. Phil said that sex life is the indicator of your overall relationship with your partner. If sex is not good, usually 90% of the relationship is already having problems. If sex is good, it only constitutes 10% and you have to work on the rest of the 90%.

Tink tats true n every1 shd agree wif it...thxs bro..

[bernardlee]

I agree to bros who suggest finding a hobby and doing charity works to divert their attention from sexual desires. For bros who are not into charity work like me, maybe can go to gym and sweat it out. Keep your hormones in check. Keep up a busy life, or else the brain can be a factory of devious thoughts.

No point threatening wifes with possibility of divorce. This is part of the whole package of the marriage that men have to take it. You have all the fun in the honey moon and before kids are born right?? Healthy men can have sex as long as their dick can gets hard. This is different for women especially once they get older. This is a fact of life that some unfortunate men have to accept it sooner or later.

[aston68]

Hi Bros,

just wonder if you have tried :-
1) maintain yourself like keeping your hygiene and manners. For instance, poor manners like farting, snoring, etc. may turn your wifey off.Try improving your hygiene and manners may help.
2) After a hard day work for you and your wifey, have you tried massage your tired wifey. My wifey tends to have neck and shoulder aches after works, so she can be avoiding my approach unless I try massaging her. I usually start from her neck and slowly work towards her lower back. When she is relax, I will slowly finger her pussy....to get her arouse. She usually will be high when I finger her and suggesting to her to imagine some guys she known doing her.

3) when you can, try help her in housework.

[Frankiestine]

Originally Posted by aston68

Hi Bros,

just wonder if you have tried :-
1) maintain yourself like keeping your hygiene and manners. For instance, poor manners like farting, snoring, etc. may turn your wifey off.Try improving your hygiene and manners may help.
2) After a hard day work for you and your wifey, have you tried massage your tired wifey. My wifey tends to have neck and shoulder aches after works, so she can be avoiding my approach unless I try massaging her. I usually start from her neck and slowly work towards her lower back. When she is relax, I will slowly finger her pussy....to get her arouse. She usually will be high when I finger her and suggesting to her to imagine some guys she known doing her.

3) when you can, try help her in housework.

Bro point 1 its vice versa right you think we guys are the only guility of these? Women are no better especially when no one is around..

Point 2 been doing that the longest time but still no end up pcc...worse part is her pussy is forbidden group cannot even touch from outside..

I say some wives deserve to be raped..

[Wizrd]

I don't think the wives' libido dropped to zero...

It is about priority and focus...if her focus is now on the children or her own life / career only, then no amount of 'hard work' from the husband will warm her up...

Of course a husband should not give up and should keep trying...but...for how long??

Women are wise to men's physiology...if a woman neglects her husband for more than a couple of months, she knows he will need sex...and if he is not getting it from her, he must be getting it somewhere else...ppc can only replace sex for the short term because as long as the man is earning money, she knows there are plenty of places he can get sex from...

Sadly, for the husband, the more faithful he tries to be and stick with a non-sexual wife, the more she will believe he is getting it from elsewhere....one of my friends in Sg does not get any sex from his wife…but lucky for him, she allows him to find it elsewhere…as long as he doesn’t rub it in her face with it…oh, paid sex only so that there will not be a 3rd party…very wise woman…(they don’t even have children…and this started when they are both in their late 30s…)

I cannot speak for other men...but if it happens to me...I will simply ask for a divorce...or...tell her that I am not getting sex from her, so I will be seeking it elsewhere...

One of the bros here suggested to focus on other things...yes, very good advise but men are all different in terms of libido and how much/often each one of us need sex...
If we ask advise from a monk...he won't understand why we are so uptight because he chose to be celibate...we did not...

As Rocky said (I think in the second one)...I don't ask you to stop being a woman...please don't ask me to stop being a man.

Be upfront, explain your case...sex is a must whether we are in a relationship or not...if she doesn't want it / enjoy it...allow you to find it with someone else...

I know a few couples who are best friends...they don't have sex with each other any more...and they know a little bit about each other's sex partners...but together, they raise their children and tend to their homes...they are basically playing house and it works for them...separate bedrooms in the same house, the in-laws are all none the wiser...
(Might be an important point, none of these couples lives in Singapore)

Once this arrangement can be worked out...life can go on and sex need not be the deal breaker in a marriage / relationship...

Just my 2 cents...can’t spare you the pain bros…just trying to help by making sense of things….

[bernardlee]

Marriage is tough to maintain without sex. My wife always claimed that I am a pervert when I tried to make "advances". WTF. This never happen during honeymoon and the first three years before the kid is born. Bros, better delay having kids when you really want good sex with wife. I secretly hated the kid and become jealous when the harmony of the marriage is disrupted.

Now what can I do? Resign to fate loh. I cannot simply walk out of the marriage since I have to be responsible for the household and the child. Can I go bonking in G lang and come home as a good husband? I will be very guilty of doing this. Some bros can handle this well as a way to save their marriage, but I cannot escape the sense of guilt. I still love my wife if not I won't get married with her.

[Rickey]

Originally Posted by bernardlee

Marriage is tough to maintain without sex. My wife always claimed that I am a pervert when I tried to make "advances". WTF. This never happen during honeymoon and the first three years before the kid is born. Bros, better delay having kids when you really want good sex with wife. I secretly hated the kid and become jealous when the harmony of the marriage is disrupted.

Oh dear !!..tats dangerous thinking bro ! ...wat so good abt getting into a marriage r/s if it has to come to such a point like jealousy...children are God's gifts to enhance n bond the family closer tgt not break-up the family ....sorry , bro bernardlee.. am not blaming you for feeling tis way...it is totally understandable...jus tat it happened n u can't help but feel tis way !!...its a natural feeling...OMG, why has marriage i/o of bringing joy to couples has brought forth such mental dilemmas for the HBs instead by the refusal to hv sex...If tats the case, how i wish there's no such thing as GETTING MARRIED in tis world....why were we even created male n female in the 1st place ???...given a choice, i would rather remain single n distance myself frm those human female species who are capable of causing so much emotional distress to their partners by their hard hearted attitudes ...

Now what can I do? Resign to fate loh. I cannot simply walk out of the marriage since I have to be responsible for the household and the child. Can I go bonking in G lang and come home as a good husband? I will be very guilty of doing this. Some bros can handle this well as a way to save their marriage, but I cannot escape the sense of guilt. I still love my wife if not I won't get married with her.

Sorry, bro bernardlee, no offense meant and wif all due respect to u n ur marriage,...we often hear pple say " Its HISTORY " ..n " we got to let go and move on "...else there may be more misery for either one or even both the parties. Pls do not misunderstand, am not saying you dun love ur wifey or vice versa...for tis, only the both of you know urselves best..

Situations or Things always happen at a point in time.. which becomes the past after it has happened wif the ticking on of the clock. We may tink tat we hv made a correct thing or decision at tat point in time which may or may not actually be so....But the saddest thing is tat many of us do not realise that TIME changes situations n pple...the way they think and do the same things...The world never remains static n we cannot expect the status quo to remain forever unchanged...TIME moves us on every minute whether we like it or not...ticking away...sigh ...So even if things began well in the past or past decisions hv been made correctly, the situation may changed to be different today...The sooner we realise tis, the beta...so tat we can make pragmatic n necessary adjustments which r usually painful to our changed situations....and hopefully continue on to live a life happily after..

Hope things will work out well for all couples who hv tis problem ...my plea to those young guys wishing to go into marriage,.. is to consider very carefully if can withstand a sexless marriage or one tat jus go thru' the motions some time down ur married lives.. b4 u sign on tat dotted line wif ur Miss Right...rather than later having to seek the services of FLs, WLs etc shortly after the wedding for ur unfulfilled needs which ur wives do not wish or want to provide...which by so doing u break their hearts ... Best wishes !!

[Frankiestine]

Bros don't be misled when you think during pak tor days the sex is hot and steamy...my oc and i used to do it average 3 times a week..but now can go on dry run for a few months...she say this is because I overdrawn during pak tor days so now is time to give back...

[bernardlee]

When I am at the peak of horniness, and yet my wifey does not want to "service" me, chances is a lot of nasty things can happen, short of raping her. At that moment, I secretly hated my kid for snatching my wifey away. But this emotional breakdown only happen due to raging hormone. A normal healthy man cannot avoid sex for too long!!! After all the kid is still my kid.

The stupid tv media always portrait men who visit prostitution or having an affair are bad and diko, but they never really look into the root of the family problem. How long can a healthy men wait for sex from wifey? How many rejections can a man take before he emotional breaks down with serious depression.

My advice to bro here is to piak your Gf first. If you feel that she is not horny enough and is far from your level of sexual desire, better think properly before go further. This means that there is sexual incompatibility. If you think you can live with sexual incompatibility, by all means go and sign on the marriage cert.

Because of the silly depression I got, it affected my work. Quited my old job and took a break. Everything is falling apart as it seems. I repeatedly phycho myself I still love my wifey and kid no matter what. Leading a pathetic life indeed. If I can turn back the clock, I honestly admit I rather remain single. By now I could have save up a lot of money and piak all the girls I want.

Dun even think of divorce and find another wife. Who knows you jump from one shithole to another shithole. Even you push all the way to complete all the divorce procedures, you will most probably realise half of your saving will be gone. I rather save the money and piak the GL girls.... Easy to said then be done until I fully overcome my guilt of eating outside.

[Rickey]

Originally Posted by bernardlee

When I am at the peak of horniness, and yet my wifey does not want to "service" me, chances is a lot of nasty things can happen, short of raping her. At that moment, I secretly hated my kid for snatching my wifey away. But this emotional breakdown only happen due to raging hormone. A normal healthy man cannot avoid sex for too long!!! After all the kid is still my kid.

The stupid tv media always portrait men who visit prostitution or having an affair are bad and diko, but they never really look into the root of the family problem. How long can a healthy men wait for sex from wifey? How many rejections can a man take before he emotional breaks down with serious depression.

My advice to bro here is to piak your Gf first. If you feel that she is not horny enough and is far from your level of sexual desire, better think properly before go further. This means that there is sexual incompatibility.

Because of the silly depression I got, it affected my work. Quited my old job and took a break. Everything is falling apart as it seems.. leading a pathetic life indeed. If I can turn back the clock, I honestly admit I rather remain single. By now I could have save up a lot of money and piak all the girls I want.

Dun even think of divorce and find another wife. Who knows you jump from one shithole to another shithole. Even you push all the way to complete all the divorce procedures, you will most probably realise half of your saving will be gone. I rather save the money and piak the GL girls...

Oh, dear bro bernardlee, am so sorry to hear tat u went thru' so much emotional turmoil to the point of depression tat caused u to lose ur bread n butter cos of tis...i really feel for you n empathise wif you, my dear bro...

Women are often portrayed as the weaker sex, the ones tat are always being bullied by the guys but tats becoming a myth wif women's emancipation n liberation.. on the contrary, they can be even more vicious, ferocious n unforgiving n can inflict greater sufferings n emotional damage than one can imagine n wreck the lives of their man when it comes to things like revenge, justice etc..

Yes, divorce is only the LAST resort, all else failing...and yes, bro bernard is rite...u may only be just jumping frm the fire to the frying pan cos most of these women seem alike..in a divorce, the men are often the losers now n hv much to lose wif the Women's Charter n all behind them to boot.. sigh...

So just another gentle reminder for guys who are looking to get married...take ur time to know her thoroughly, tink long n hard, tink carefully again ..b4 u plunge into matrimony wif her...whether the gal u wish to marry is gonna treat u well or not in all respects in the marriage r/s, particularly when u r in sexual needs. My 3 cents worth...

[Hotcoffee]

Last night while lying in bed I start touching my wife.
Since she didn't say no so I slowly proceed to paint her.

After 10 mins I found out she is already sleeping already.
Today she told me this weekend sat will ML to me. To me chances are really slim, either she will sleep at 10pm or say too tired.

Damn. This is very Pek chey man.

[Wizrd]

Originally Posted by Rickey

Oh, dear bro bernardlee, am so sorry to hear tat u went thru' so much emotional turmoil to the point of depression tat caused u to lose ur bread n butter cos of tis...i really feel for you n empathise wif you, my dear bro...

Women are often portrayed as the weaker sex, the ones tat are always being bullied by the guys but tats becoming a myth wif women's emancipation n liberation.. on the contrary, they can be even more vicious, ferocious n unforgiving n can inflict greater sufferings n emotional damage than one can imagine n wreck the lives of their man when it comes to things like revenge, justice etc..

Yes, divorce is only the LAST resort, all else failing...and yes, bro bernard is rite...u may only be just jumping frm the fire to the frying pan cos most of these women seem alike..in a divorce, the men are often the losers now n hv much to lose wif the Women's Charter n all behind them to boot.. sigh...

So just another gentle reminder for guys who are looking to get married...take ur time to know her thoroughly, tink long n hard, tink carefully again ..b4 u plunge into matrimony wif her...whether the gal u wish to marry is gonna treat u well or not in all respects in the marriage r/s, particularly when u r in sexual needs. My 3 cents worth...

Hi Bro Ricky & bernardlee (and to all the bros reading who are in the same situation)...

Sorry guys but I do NOT agree that divorce is the last resort. What's before that last resort? Suicide?

If someone is so depressed that work/life quality is affected because of the marriage, then divorce must be the next logical step to get away from the root cause of the stress.

Yes, of course there is a chance that we end up in another shithole...but not doing it because of future fears is like saying my tooth hurts when I drink water, and since my tooth cannot be fixed, I should either endure the toothache for life or stop drinking altogether. No bros, pull the tooth out...yes, it will be painful....yes I will lose my tooth...and yes, it will cost me money...but after that, at least I do not have a toothache any more...

PLUS, Nobody says a divorcee MUST get married again.

If we believe...even if it is not real...but if we believe that we have more fun and enjoy our lives more during the dating days...then why can't we just choose to live out those dating days again??
I accept that some people just want to get married and their hope springs eternal about finding a soul mate...but the reality is, that present soul mate has changed...we all change as we grow...and our common target and goals are no longer common...that, bros, is life...

Do we have to sit and wallow in self pity and get more and more frustrated every day?? Do we have to bear the consequence of maybe making one incorrect decision for the rest of our lives? NO!!! We have a choice.

Why think of raping your wife when the more sensible and humane way is to inform her that: 'I can no longer live with you under these terms and conditions, let's part ways so that we can both live the ways we want...best of luck and no hard feelings.' How is this harder than having thoughts of violating another human being even if she is the wife and possibly the root cause of all the pent up anger and frustration???

Unlike some bros who thinks the wife is being difficult, I do not for a second believe that she is doing it on purpose to make you suffer. (if she is, then it should be a police case.)

Men are logical creatures and we find ways to justify our actions. In this case we justify it as we have made a commitment; we have children and responsibilities so we cannot walk away. Bullshit....the terms of that commitment are no longer valid because our partner changed the condition of the original agreement. It may or may not be her fault, but the conditions have been drastically changed nevertheless...

Would you continue to work for a boss who stops paying you?? NO? Why? You made a commitment when you signed the contract!! You have clients, and projects and staff and people who depend on you to complete the next phase of work...but we are all happy to walk away from that company because the person we made the agreement with no longer honours his/her part of the agreement by not paying us.

Would you simply say, ok then, I will just work 3.5 days a week since they are not paying me? Hell NO!!! We just walk away and engage a lawyer.

This is exactly the same in a marriage. Why hold on to false hope that things will change? Why suffer in silence? And why must you change your whole way of life to embrace more sports and plants and fishing to replace sex, which you honestly believe was an integral part of the original agreement?

For the bros who feel they can accept this turn of events and live life somewhat normally without sex (or quality sex) with the wife, then by all means carry on. But if as bro bernardlee has suffered, losing his will to work and live almost...then divorce is the only way (NOT the last resort...the present and first resort) to get him out of his spiraling situation because the root cause for his depression is his marriage.

If the wife as a person is still someone we love a lot, then great, we can still be best friends...because best friends do NOT have to have sex with eeach other...just get back your self esteem and the right to have sex with someone who enjoys it as much as you do. Meet you ex wife for a game of scrables or bowling...but sex is no longer on the table and thus ends the frustration of being unfulfilled. You will in fact end up loving her more as a friend and a person because you have removed sex which was the problem. And quite likely she will love you more too because she no longer has to fend off your sexual advances.

Is losing half your money even in the same league as losing your mind?? I cannot believe I have to make an argument for this. Give up 50% of the money, or very soon, 100% of the money will be meaningless to you anyway.

I apologize if I am sounding a little bit unsupportive...but seriously bros...has anything changed for the better since you vented your frustrations? If nothing has changed to your liking...then as Einstein said: Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.

Could this lack of action be partly because we do not want to admit that we were wrong? That choosing divorce means annoucing to the world that we screwed up? Perhaps. So what? Be brave...make a change to save your own life and sanity. To hell with money, you can always make more when your life gets back to normality. The children will still grow up and you can still spend quality time with them. To hell with what the neighbours and in laws think. Get your own life back in order first...get the healthy perspective back...then worry about all the collateral problems later.

I wish all the bros good mental and physical health and the stregth to make their lives better. Take charge of your life now, before you lose the will to have a life that you thought you wanted.

Sorry if my honesty rubs anyone the wrong way, my intention is merely to help. Cheers.

[<<totally>>]

Originally Posted by Frankiestine

Bro point 1 its vice versa right you think we guys are the only guility of these? Women are no better especially when no one is around..

YES in some cases.

Originally Posted by Frankiestine

Point 2 been doing that the longest time but still no end up pcc...worse part is her pussy is forbidden group cannot even touch from outside..

Got so serious！！！！ That is a bit too much.

Originally Posted by Frankiestine

I say some wives deserve to be raped..

Hmm...go get your frankie mask and scared her yourself

[<<totally>>]

Originally Posted by Hotcoffee

Last night while lying in bed I start touching my wife.
Since she didn't say no so I slowly proceed to paint her.

After 10 mins I found out she is already sleeping already.
Today she told me this weekend sat will ML to me. To me chances are really slim, either she will sleep at 10pm or say too tired.

Damn. This is very Pek chey man.

Paint her and she can sleep =.=" Your bed is too comfortable liao. Get something against her liking so she cannot sleep.

[5ag1_Boar]

I wonder how many cases of spouses divorcing their other half based on "unreasonable behaviour: refuse to make love."