Wife & Sex - going through the motion

[bernardlee]

No choice, Singapore women are not a good wife material when it comes to sex. These women have to manage stressful work, take care of the children, do housework. As a hubby, I did my part to do housework. When my wife back from work, she still need to check her corporate email and join teleconference. Singapore women are very competitive, and are given equal opportunity to hold high positions in the companies. And when it comes to work, they are very serious and on the balls.

Another bad point is: Singapore women have such mentality: husband money is her money, her money is hers money only. End up husband has to pay most of the bills even the wife salary is no less than the husband.

Government should know this is one of the root cause why local birth rate is always on the losing end. Something is very wrong in the education and the way women are brought up in this country.

So think carefully before you married a Singapore woman.

[Rickey]

Originally Posted by bernardlee

No choice, Singapore women are not a good wife material when it comes to sex. These women have to manage stressful work, take care of the children, do housework. As a hubby, I did my part to do housework. When my wife back from work, she still need to check her corporate email and join teleconference. Singapore women are very competitive, and are given equal opportunity to hold high positions in the companies. And when it comes to work, they are very serious and on the balls.

Government should know this is one of the root cause why local birth rate is always on the losing end. Something is very wrong in the education and the way women are brought up in this country.So think carefully before you married a Singapore woman.

Yes, its caveat emptor !!...buyers beware ! ..guys, do ur background checks on her (tis applies the other way round too)...test her waters n be VERY, VERY SURE b4 u sink urself down esp on a SG woman...

Make sure u r both compatible in ALL ASPECTS of life particularly on CHARACTER & SEX, tat u both see ALL THINGS eye to eye b4 walking down tat aisle wif "ur folks n mine happy n smiling"...be forewarned tat many women 2day hv a lot of pride n self righteousness abt themselves due understandably to women emancipation n liberation n their claims for equal rights in all things tat happened yrs ago.. n so, rightly or wrongly, they may be even more vicious n ferocious than the guys like the example of the wife in the murder n suicide case last Nov..

Truths, we all know r NEVER pleasant n ALWAYS HURT , n if truth be told, majority of women r best known for being very sensitive and unforgivable pple, whilst the guys r usually more happy go lucky...Once they r hurt, they make up their minds pretty fast as seen in so many divorce cases...n no amt of pleading n apologies however sincere can ever get into their hearts or their heads ...last stats showed 64% of divorce cases were initiated by women !! ...so guys pls beware n take note, never offend them in any way for ur own goodness sake...

Perhaps to help in marital or even other r/s conflicts, there shd be some kind of education programme (refer to the last highlighted para quoted abv) frm sec schs onwards tat teaches gals wat kinda behaviour n likely problems they can expect frm the guys when getting into r/s such as these n vice versa... n how they shd each respond to the other in the most calm n constructive manner in a misunderstanding, rather than the destructive one of simply pulling out all the STOPS as the easiest way out of their problems. Learning how to forgive others is the 1st step to be forgiven themselves for the long term survival of r/s...jus my 3 cents worth of tots...

[Wizrd]

Hi bros,

I feel the pain those of you are in...no sex (or bad sex) and still must stick to the same partner.
(It's like going to a pro...find out service bad, and or attitude bad, and or very costly...then get caught by police and the judge sentenced you to be stuck with and must live with this pro for the rest of your life...NB...it's inhumane...)

I was lucky that I had a Thai girlfriend when I was younger and there after, I refuse to go steady with Sg girls. FB ok, FWB ok, fling ok, ONS ok...boyfriend/girlfriend?? FO!!

Why bring up my Thai ex-girlfriend??

We were together for almost a year...to the point of talking about our future together (even though we were both just below 23yo at the time)...the usual...where to live - which city/country...what type of house...how many kids...what type of dogs....and so on...

Then one day, she announced to me that she wants to stop having sex at 40...
WTF?? I protested of course...we just started having sex not long at that point...why talk about ending sex??

She said she wants to focus on Buddhism from 40 years old...and before I could protest again...she said...don't worry, I will help find you a mistress before that happens...you and I must both approve of her and you are not allowed to have children with her...those are the only rules...and also...after we have children, she won't have as much time for me because of the children...I can get sex outside of the household as long as I don't let it become public knowledge and I don't bring home any disease...those are also the rules...

Phew...I love those rules...I can live by those rules...

Over time, I slowly found out where she got those thinking and ideas...it came from her mother and aunties...they all think like that she said...and from young, they all knew what the men in the family are doing so to her, that is normal...

Unfortunately she and I broke up due to long distance relationship problems when I had to work in Australia...she's married now and I envy her husband soooooooooo much!!!

Ever since...I have had girlfriends from many countries in the world...but...never Singaporeans* or Taiwanese (I think the city girls from Taiwan are very similar to sg girls)...

*I got cheated once...met this Malaysian girl in the U.S and we had a relationship...leter she became Sg P.R. and more Singaporean than our own product (in the mentality being talked about.) I had to break up with her once her true colours were revealed....she is a Singaporean now, so I was not 100% correct in my previous statement.

Anyway bros...I feel your pain and wish you the best...

[look4sex]

I used to have the same problem with most bros here, wife always reject my request for sex and even when having sex, keep on asking me to hurry. One fine day, I just tell myself I have enough and going to divorce her. She cried and after that we had a long talk and now she is totally changed. Whenever I ask, she will try to accommodate and even very cooperative with different positions.

I suggest if you are really not happy with it, try to talk to your wife in tactical way if not divorce is the last resort.

[Shark69]

off track a bit - i think this is a really good thread where all can discuss honestly. I definitely learnt a lot from reading from you guys experience. keep it up guys

[Frankiestine]

Originally Posted by look4sex

I used to have the same problem with most bros here, wife always reject my request for sex and even when having sex, keep on asking me to hurry. One fine day, I just tell myself I have enough and going to divorce her. She cried and after that we had a long talk and now she is totally changed. Whenever I ask, she will try to accommodate and even very cooperative with different positions.

I suggest if you are really not happy with it, try to talk to your wife in tactical way if not divorce is the last resort.

bro not every women react the same, my oc is those that lives by the "take no prisoner" principle...i have many times thought about divorce cos i know refusing to have sex can be classified as unreasonable behaviour, i won't take this road again since I already been through it once.... cos in the end, it is always us man that end up the loser in every aspect. even though last year we had a bust up cos someone squeal on me, in a way she acknowledge that she was partly at fault due to her constantly refusing to have sex on so many occasion.... yet till today nothing improve...but then they tend to have a selective memory loss cos she can keep passing snide remarks about what I did but yet forgets that she contributed a big part to it...

I just don't get these women, there are many women out there complaining that their hubby are no longer interested in them and yet here we are lamenting how our own oc are not interested in having sex...yet they kpkb when the hub seeks release elsewhere...

[BabyJane]

Firstly, I cannot begin to understand the mentality of these wives. Maybe I should not comment since I am not married. But then again, wives who refuse sex with their husbands deserve to get shot. I don't think any of the reasons that they use can justify the refusal of having sex. They're more like excuses. I don't think there is a clause in the marriage vows that state no sex once you have kids or too busy in juggling work and family. So am I to understand that these wives stop feeling horny a few years into the marriage? I find that hard to believe. Then they shouldn't blame their husbands for having affairs or FBs or paying for sex. The problem with these women is that they fail to understand that sex is very much a part of their marriage. I pity all the bros here with such wives, which makes me wonder if this is really a Singaporean thing.

[westendgirl]

Originally Posted by Rickey

Truths, we all know r NEVER pleasant n ALWAYS HURT , n if truth be told, majority of women r best known for being very sensitive and unforgivable pple, whilst the guys r usually more happy go lucky...Once they r hurt, they make up their minds pretty fast as seen in so many divorce cases...n no amt of pleading n apologies however sincere can ever get into their hearts or their heads ...last stats showed 64% of divorce cases were initiated by women !! ...so guys pls beware n take note, never offend them in any way for ur own goodness sake...

as a woman, i m guilty of these two traits too, Rickey.

these two r interlinked. i m working on the unforgiving part now. but to be more forgiving, i have to be less sensitive in the first place. so now, i trust more and chap less with my partner. i cant speak for other women cos it is easy for me. i dont see him that often and it will be r/s suicidal to be suspicious all the time. although i feel more insecure now to put so much trust in my man but i actually feel better. it is a trade-off and i m happy for it.

as for the main topic, i dont go through the motion, cos i m not the wife. i m not being trivial here but our r/s is more lust than love. although i like it to be the other way round but truth be told, i know my position. still on wife and sex, i deduce he is not the go=through motion type. we had been in this r/s for awhile and he is still very patience and passionate. guess it boils down to how much interest you have on pleasing each other. for us, sex is the glue that bind us together. so we just try a little harder.

[bernardlee]

Chances are my wife has lost all sexual appetite. If she does not need sex, then why bother to entertain the hubby. As a hubby, why bother to have sex with someone who is unwilling in the first place. Unwilling partners cannot perform at all.

Looks like it is a reality of life that changes are inevitable. We just have to accept changes as part of our life.

Good to know I am not the only one having such problem. This is a great channel to share our life experience here. I don't really talk about such issues with my friends as it is simply a man's pride.

I do not think divorce is a solution at all. Now I strongly believe that it is common that couples stop having sex at certain stage of their marriage due to various issues. It is up to the guys to find some workarounds to satisfy their needs.

When a wife gets stressed up with life, work, and kids, she refuses sex. When a guy gets stressed up, we need a good F to release the pressure and the body chemicals to relax. In this case, woman and man are never equal, there is a gap that cannot be bridged.

[jargon82]

My opinion is that Sex and Love are exact opposite priority to men and women. Men need women to give sex all the time, while content to have the feeling of love in the back of his mind. Women need to feel men give love all the time, while content to know sex is available in the back of her mind.

I feel for all you bros too, cuz I'm in the exact situation as described by TS, Jim and many other married bros here. Married 3 years+ with 2 daughters, no sex since the 2nd girl was conceived a year ago. And sex then didn't have the old feeling of lust for each other, but simply felt like it was done because it was ovulation day and need to get impregnated.

But now I use the love/sex for women/man logic and try to tell the same story from woman's POV:

"Men are really evil in this sense...
Their entire job, obligation, is to love their wife. That's what a marriage license is, a document consenting to love and cherish his woman in sickness or health, through rags or riches.

Sigh.... Life.

Note to all young girls, I know, I know... your BF today is a charming and sincere man. He gives you flowers, brings you to dine at nice restaurants, buys you lovely gifts. He says the sweetest things to you and make you feel so special, you're in bliss. You buy a ring, you get engaged.... life is great. After you get engaged, you feel even more loved and sense that the special connection between you two become stronger, you are in heaven all is great, you get married. He kisses and hugs you everyday, he comes back everyday and spend quality time with you in your new flat, having fun cooking together or watching shows together, it's all good. You get pregnant, you're both happy, after all you're married. It's all good, he continues to shower you with love through the pregnancy, then the baby is born, happy, happy, happy..... and it never comes back. He starts to work late, comes home for dinner less and less. The meals you prepare for him goes into the bin after waiting up for him. He changes job, gets promoted, and has to be away overseas more often. Romantic dates and quality time has slowly changed from 3 times a week, to weekend only, twice a month, then once a month, until maybe 3 times a year if lucky. You wait, you are patient, he is working hard to bring back more money for the family, you tell yourself. When is he going to give me as much love and attention again, you ask yourself. Why is he not interested in me anymore, etc.....

Then you decide to have another baby, and he showers you with tender loving care again through your pregnancy, then back to his work again. This time he spends less time with you, because it's the subsequent child and you've had experience with handling, and now you both may even be able to afford a maid... and the cycle repeats.

And this is how life is with a Singaporean husband, my friends. And young girls who are still in their bf/gf stage, save your words. You have no idea how that little prince you have for a BF right now would change once you get married and have a kid. You simply have NO IDEA!"

And that's my parody version, even without the complication of the wife worrying about her man having other women outside. Sounds familiar?

In summary, I understand that the man and woman has differing priorities of needs, and I hope to help my wife come to understand that we men need sex as much as they women need love and attention. hopefully this will help our marriage become rich and exciting again, via mutual understanding and giving, rather than resorting to threats of divorce and bring forced to come to a compromise. Carrot, not stick.

[perfection89]

Originally Posted by bernardlee

No choice, Singapore women are not a good wife material when it comes to sex. These women have to manage stressful work, take care of the children, do housework. As a hubby, I did my part to do housework. When my wife back from work, she still need to check her corporate email and join teleconference. Singapore women are very competitive, and are given equal opportunity to hold high positions in the companies. And when it comes to work, they are very serious and on the balls.

Another bad point is: Singapore women have such mentality: husband money is her money, her money is hers money only. End up husband has to pay most of the bills even the wife salary is no less than the husband.

Government should know this is one of the root cause why local birth rate is always on the losing end. Something is very wrong in the education and the way women are brought up in this country.

So think carefully before you married a Singapore woman.

why don't want to piak her during her tele conference like those JAV? hahahha

[gizbabe]

Dr. Phil said that sex life is the indicator of your overall relationship with your partner. If sex is not good, usually 90% of the relationship is already having problems. If sex is good, it only constitutes 10% and you have to work on the rest of the 90%.

Go for regular date nights, swinging, orgies parties?

I like the post of the other guy, do some charity work like volunteering. Overseas you can volunteer by giving sexual services to institutions (ppl with mild intellectual disability or etc). Put your dick to good use. Check with Singapore.

[gizbabe]

Originally Posted by Absolute

I am thankful that I have chosen to be single after reading all the sexual woes from so many sexually-frustrated married men here.

I have a friend who is in his 40s and his wife is also not interested in sex starting fromat least 10 years ago. But he really loves his wife and respects her choice.

His philosophy is simple: Man can live life meaningfully without sex. Look at monks. As such, he has developed a hobby he is very passionate about - motor cycles. In fact, he told me that he can clean his motorbike for one entire day without even thinking about sex or copulating his wife and other women.

His advice for sexually-frustrated married man is this: don't see sex as a must-have. Without sex, you are even healthier. Divert your mind to something more constructive such as doing charity work or pursuing a hobby. He believes that our mind is able to help you overcome your sexual desire and live a more fulfilling life.

Good luck!

*clap and whistle* WELL SAID!!!!

[perfection89]

Originally Posted by BabyJane

Firstly, I cannot begin to understand the mentality of these wives. Maybe I should not comment since I am not married. But then again, wives who refuse sex with their husbands deserve to get shot. I don't think any of the reasons that they use can justify the refusal of having sex. They're more like excuses. I don't think there is a clause in the marriage vows that state no sex once you have kids or too busy in juggling work and family. So am I to understand that these wives stop feeling horny a few years into the marriage? I find that hard to believe. Then they shouldn't blame their husbands for having affairs or FBs or paying for sex. The problem with these women is that they fail to understand that sex is very much a part of their marriage. I pity all the bros here with such wives, which makes me wonder if this is really a Singaporean thing.

maybe those wives wanted sex,but not with old man like their husband...
just like some men who prefer younger girls to have sex with...

[Hotcoffee]

Must tweet this link to PM Lee. Then he understand why birthdate so low.