Wife & Sex - going through the motion

[n30n]

Originally Posted by 5ag1_Boar

I don't know about other guys, but I'm fussy about my undies... need to be comfortable, fitting etc. When my ex bought me undies, she bought the wrong size... and it shows she does even know my waist size... quiet disappointing.

Make sure you get him the right ones, or at least choose with him. Don't surprise him.

haha, ok. Noted.
So far haven got the chance yet.

[n30n]

Originally Posted by tamtam

Sorry i m not against you directly...

Don't do these, never confess you past mistakes or adventures with your wives, its their trick, listen to you nicely at first then comes the Tsunami !!!

Can die, cannot confess ! You will be a dead meat after that...immediately.
I personally gone thru these, NEVER NEVER EVER DO THESE. You will have alot to regret after telling her everything.

Aiya, means your woman not open minded.
Is like asking for chili then complaining it's spicy.

If she sincerely is out to fix the relationship, she should have known the consequences before asking you to reveal.

And remember one thing.
Reveal is not showhand all your deeds from #1 to one zillion.
Stick to the issue at hand, don't dig out past fossils to talk about. As long as everything related at hand is resolved, that'll do the trick.

If you go dig out another fossil bomb to talk about in the midst of diffusing this bomb, that's your problem. You're opening another can of worms to solve.
Sort things out one by one.

[tapzs]

Originally Posted by SparkleDoll

This must be the saddest thread in sbf. At least it let's us know we are not alone in this situation.

Sex life with my husband has not improve at all. We did it one more time since that quickie in Jan. Oh well. I can truly say I have given up. Feels guilty yet also feels like the weigh of a heavy stone had been lifted. Although I promised commitment & loyalty to him, I really can't life out my life as a nun or widow. I'm still in my 20s. So I have come to terms that I might have to look outside of the marriage for satisfaction in this area. Hopefully keep it from my husband.

Next week I am meeting a fren for drinks. We have known each other for yrs and he's always had the hots for me. Guilty yet excited all the same. I can't care less abt things with my husband anymore. I don't foresee him wanting to have sex with my in the next few yrs anyway. He say he's stress from his biz & when things r better he might relax enough to be intimate with me again. Being the workaholic he is, that probably will only be when he company get listed or smthg. Don't see that happen in the next few yrs. So I'm just gonna fuck it. If he just neglect me then I gez he can't blame me lah.

Hope we all finds the happiness we seek in life.

Can i meet you?

[Xyberduke]

Originally Posted by tamtam

Sorry i m not against you directly...

Don't do these, never confess you past mistakes or adventures with your wives, its their trick, listen to you nicely at first then comes the Tsunami !!!

Can die, cannot confess ! You will be a dead meat after that...immediately.
I personally gone thru these, NEVER NEVER EVER DO THESE. You will have alot to regret after telling her everything.

YOU ARE TOTALLY CORRECT... in a few hours, i'll bump your pts up 11!


women are not forgiving..... i've photos of my ex-wife in hostbars getting cosy with gigolo, but i keep in my pocket for rainy days.... and once we wanted to talk things out, when she queried why i'm spending so much time with my best friend and her family, i confessed i had a crush with my best friend during school days when we spent every single day together but never ever talked about it or got together. my best friend was a lesbian that time...

what happened next.... stole my password log, and use that to check my bank accounts, email accounts, msn accounts, etc... then fake up an illness and declared to the whole world i had an affair and caused her to be depressed....

i'm spending time with my best friend as she's helping me do everything that my ex-wife refuses to do.... including looking after my kids, what food to get them, books, schools, etc... knnbccb...

but there're of course very very good gals out there.... but you better be safe than sorry..

[tamtam]

Originally Posted by Xyberduke

YOU ARE TOTALLY CORRECT... in a few hours, i'll bump your pts up 11!


women are not forgiving..... i've photos of my ex-wife in hostbars getting cosy with gigolo, but i keep in my pocket for rainy days.... and once we wanted to talk things out, when she queried why i'm spending so much time with my best friend and her family, i confessed i had a crush with my best friend during school days when we spent every single day together but never ever talked about it or got together. my best friend was a lesbian that time...

what happened next.... stole my password log, and use that to check my bank accounts, email accounts, msn accounts, etc... then fake up an illness and declared to the whole world i had an affair and caused her to be depressed....

i'm spending time with my best friend as she's helping me do everything that my ex-wife refuses to do.... including looking after my kids, what food to get them, books, schools, etc... knnbccb...

but there're of course very very good gals out there.... but you better be safe than sorry..

It happened to my case too, don't know if its her lawyer or friends who teach her to fake a depression, and get a doctor to prescribe medicine for depression.

Seems like a very viable trick ! And when the court hears that she has depression and still on medications, you are fucked big time, prepare to pay more.
Now that i have decide to bite the bullet and keep cool because of my kids, she starts asking for planned tour to here and there. She where got depression ? I think its my turn to get depress.

[justawife]

Originally Posted by 5ag1_Boar

LOL, SparkleDoll... you just about to get bombarded by tonnes of PMs. :-)

Haha .. I agree...

To Sparkledoll, I guess if you have already done your part, there is only so much you can do .. .. but "choose" carefully... dun let ppl take advantage of you k ..

[justawife]

Originally Posted by gocoffeebean

I think a lot of us ... Thought we can do without sex.
But that is a lie... Eventually our body automatic tell us what to do.
Last time I don't bio so much gals, only the really pretty one.
Nowadays practically any gals wearing skirt who comes into my radius of 50 meters ... Kana bio by me. N they all looks pretty anyhow

This is call no fish, prawn also can? LOL

[justawife]

Originally Posted by n30n

Yes, don't tell them you fantasize other men. Their ego very big, yet very brittle. Once broken very hard to mend, same as our trust for them.

Hehe, good point good point ..

Originally Posted by n30n

Rule of thumb, respect their private space.
When you confront them, make sure they have all the time in the world to reveal to you. Don't rush them. Don't corner them. Let them have some space to back down.
If they want to cool down or run, can.
Let them run, but tell them after running for a few days, meet at a certain deadline and talk about it. Give them time to prepare mentally.

If they tell you the worst of the worst issues, don't scream at him immediately.
Thank him for telling you and not hiding.
Listen finish everything. Sayang him first, then ask him to sayang you till you calm down. Then both talk about it.

Slowly cultivate the habit of feeling safe with each other.
If not very hard to communicate difficult issues.

Actually I scared to talk also, you know men are terrible liars... they may let slip something then its harder for me to feign ignorance ... haiz I must really prepare myself mentally first if I ever want to HTH talk....

[justawife]

Originally Posted by Xyberduke

i've photos of my ex-wife in hostbars getting cosy with gigolo, but i keep in my pocket for rainy days.... .

Wah how u get that ah...

[stone08]

Originally Posted by gocoffeebean

I think a lot of us ... Thought we can do without sex.
But that is a lie... Eventually our body automatic tell us what to do.
Last time I don't bio so much gals, only the really pretty one.
Nowadays practically any gals wearing skirt who comes into my radius of 50 meters ... Kana bio by me. N they all looks pretty anyhow

Me too, getting more teeko as I get older...I think boredom and monotny of life plays a part...

Somehow, gals can have more control. Guys hard wired to think about sex every five seconds ..

[justawife]

Originally Posted by stone08

Me too, getting more teeko as I get older...I think boredom and monotny of life plays a part...

Somehow, gals can have more control. Guys hard wired to think about sex every five seconds ..

Hmm... tot older, then wiser ... More teeko meh ? Wonder whats the peak age for men? Always very surprised that men 70+ still can do ...

[callmebad]

sex desire also depends on state of mind
was jobless for over a year and during this period, desire was almost zero
though have a job now, but desire has not returned much.

[n30n]

Originally Posted by justawife

Actually I scared to talk also, you know men are terrible liars... they may let slip something then its harder for me to feign ignorance ... haiz I must really prepare myself mentally first if I ever want to HTH talk....

It's not about feign ignorance. It's about acceptance.

That's why there are women who demand to hear all the bad things then later throw back temper at the man, because they got the wrong idea about confession.

When you did something wrong, you confess. You are wishing for acceptance and forgiveness. So if you can't accept and properly iron things out with him, pretending it didn't happen will eat you out from inside.

Remember how your own past actions, good and bad, affect your perspective of yourself. Maybe sometimes you hate yourself, but later, you'll grow to accept it and become part of yourself. If you keep avoiding and ignoring the issue, you'll keep having self conflicts. Recall how you accept those issues to resolve your self conflict.

Same with your spouse. They are your other half. Whatever bad they do in the past is looking for your acceptance. Not for you to pretend you never hear and hide under the rug. Use the same resolve you did for your own conflicts on your other half's issues.
Accept him as who he is, as all his whole past made him the man you love today.

So this is what mental preparation is about. You must know what's your limits of acceptance. If he confess about something within your limits, things can be solved peacefully, then that's very good.

Let's say if he drop a bomb, and you know you will explode, find out ways to curb your explosion, so that you can keep calm and listen to him.
Let him know what are the ways to calm you down, in case you explode and need his help to calm you down.

So both of you need to know how to handle each other's vulnerability safely without abusing each other's weakness.
It's about creating trust and a safe nest for you two to thrive.

[stone08]

Originally Posted by callmebad

sex desire also depends on state of mind
was jobless for over a year and during this period, desire was almost zero
though have a job now, but desire has not returned much.

Bro, u just need a jump start, like a spark...after that you should be on ur way to vroom vroom...hahaa

[stone08]

Originally Posted by justawife

Hmm... tot older, then wiser ... More teeko meh ? Wonder whats the peak age for men? Always very surprised that men 70+ still can do ...

Older but none the wiser...I am like a kid trapped in a old man's body..