Wife & Sex - going through the motion

[mr nice guy]

Originally Posted by Xyberduke

everybody can disagree with me...

but here's me....

my marriage with my ex-wife broke down. why? because we don't communicate, we've different hobbies, hang out with different types of friends, i don't like her friends, she don't like my friends... we don't really enjoy anything together after a year of marriage.. and both started to have our own late night activities... i go ktv, sleep around, and she seldom come home when i'm on business trips.. and hung out at host bars..

if you see my past threads, i hang out at ktv twice a week, womanising....


Anyone who have the same problem and your age is under 30. DIVORCE now. Sorry this is a fact... Counsellors only help people accomodate each other's shortcoming and understand each other better. I'm a real life example. I cannot accept her life, she cannot accept mine. And we were disillusioned that we actually tried to accomodate and hide our true character. We are what we are, to change yourself, you're not yourself, and there're plenty of gals and guys out there for everybody. Why force yourself to do something you don't like just because you're married? Everybody makes mistakes, and we're Singaporean. What's the percentage of Singaporeans staying on the same job for his/her entire life? We're built that why.

The other fact is that most men like to sleep around. A woman can resist a hot nake man standing front of her, but can a man resist a hot naked girl standing in front of him? I can't. So if your wife cannot stand you spending time outside with buddies (as a cover) at least once a month, then your life will be difficult. It would be like prison. BUT you must give the same freedom to your wife to be fair.


the SAD FACT is, if you have kids, think twice, because kids go to wife by default (precedence). and hdb goes to the one that can form nucleus... Your wife and kid. then, your assets will go to your wife unless she's earning way more than you (not just a bit more or earns the same). 1-5yrs marriage she gets 5-10% more after 50/50 split; 6-10 yrs around 10-15%; 11-15yrs, blah blah blah..... So basically, you've a lot to lose. this is divorce based on unreasonable behaviour (even if you don't like her job, you can divorce this way); after 3-4yrs separation, etc. BUT if any party engages a PI with a report to proof adultery, everything is lost.


the very SAD FACT is, your kid will grow up in a single-parent family. I've only seen a few good people growing up from single-parent families, most are ...you know better.



I initiated divorce because i was forced to a corner, my ex-wife even turned to violence and threats. I had no choice. I wanted to take custody of my child to take my kid away from my ex-wife, and had prepared all the necessary proof(what i thought was proof). BUT learnt the sad fact after my divorce proceedings started... Everything that i read on the net and law websites are not as I understood. But it was too late and my first lawyer was crap and left the law firm shortly creating a huge delay in my case.



My kid is suffering. I'm suffering financially, from a big spender with lots of cash in hand, i now hesitate buying anything more than a curry rice for meals as my bank account depletes through legal fees as my ex-wife is still trying to fight for more even though she has a losing case, she just wants me to waste money on legal fees and continue torturing me, while she borrows everywhere thinking that she can claim legal fees from me (which i've sought opinion from several lawyers that it's impossible on her grounds, luckily)...


Now for the interesting facts... Divorce lawyers.. They get paid whether they win or lose. And divorce is an area that doesn't need referrals. So please beware. The longer your drag, the more they earn. And the tasks for them gets easier as the case drags (less affidavits which is a one time effort), but for you, it only gets tougher emotionally and financially daily (unless you've sound financial plans and savings catered specifically for divorce).

Now for a fact to verify for yourself. Judges are not ALL top students from law school, in fact, top law graduates would earn bigger bucks as a lawyer then joining the legal services. Outside court, they're human and have characters that you see day in day out. And if they're perfect, there wouldn't be a Appeal court. So it's like walking into a casino and hope you get a good judge... They're generally good, but you may meet one that's on a really bad day. Not sure what would turn out.


So...... DIVORCE early, DIVORCE now, until you find the right one. If you have kids, suck it up and accept life as it is. And if you accept life as it is, continue to sleep around but don't start an extramartial relationship.

Wah bro.. Ur life story can make into a drama and many ppl learn from this.. Can make into a book also.. So, i guess moral of your story is to get to know our partner well before going into marriage with her.. Coz 1 year into u marriage cracks starting to show..

Anyways, gd luck bro!

[cereal-killer]

Originally Posted by Xyberduke

everybody can disagree with me...

but here's me....

my marriage with my ex-wife broke down. why? because we don't communicate, we've different hobbies, hang out with different types of friends, i don't like her friends, she don't like my friends... we don't really enjoy anything together after a year of marriage.. and both started to have our own late night activities... i go ktv, sleep around, and she seldom come home when i'm on business trips.. and hung out at host bars..

if you see my past threads, i hang out at ktv twice a week, womanising....


Anyone who have the same problem and your age is under 30. DIVORCE now. Sorry this is a fact... Counsellors only help people accomodate each other's shortcoming and understand each other better. I'm a real life example. I cannot accept her life, she cannot accept mine. And we were disillusioned that we actually tried to accomodate and hide our true character. We are what we are, to change yourself, you're not yourself, and there're plenty of gals and guys out there for everybody. Why force yourself to do something you don't like just because you're married? Everybody makes mistakes, and we're Singaporean. What's the percentage of Singaporeans staying on the same job for his/her entire life? We're built that why.

The other fact is that most men like to sleep around. A woman can resist a hot nake man standing front of her, but can a man resist a hot naked girl standing in front of him? I can't. So if your wife cannot stand you spending time outside with buddies (as a cover) at least once a month, then your life will be difficult. It would be like prison. BUT you must give the same freedom to your wife to be fair.


the SAD FACT is, if you have kids, think twice, because kids go to wife by default (precedence). and hdb goes to the one that can form nucleus... Your wife and kid. then, your assets will go to your wife unless she's earning way more than you (not just a bit more or earns the same). 1-5yrs marriage she gets 5-10% more after 50/50 split; 6-10 yrs around 10-15%; 11-15yrs, blah blah blah..... So basically, you've a lot to lose. this is divorce based on unreasonable behaviour (even if you don't like her job, you can divorce this way); after 3-4yrs separation, etc. BUT if any party engages a PI with a report to proof adultery, everything is lost.


the very SAD FACT is, your kid will grow up in a single-parent family. I've only seen a few good people growing up from single-parent families, most are ...you know better.



I initiated divorce because i was forced to a corner, my ex-wife even turned to violence and threats. I had no choice. I wanted to take custody of my child to take my kid away from my ex-wife, and had prepared all the necessary proof(what i thought was proof). BUT learnt the sad fact after my divorce proceedings started... Everything that i read on the net and law websites are not as I understood. But it was too late and my first lawyer was crap and left the law firm shortly creating a huge delay in my case.



My kid is suffering. I'm suffering financially, from a big spender with lots of cash in hand, i now hesitate buying anything more than a curry rice for meals as my bank account depletes through legal fees as my ex-wife is still trying to fight for more even though she has a losing case, she just wants me to waste money on legal fees and continue torturing me, while she borrows everywhere thinking that she can claim legal fees from me (which i've sought opinion from several lawyers that it's impossible on her grounds, luckily)...


Now for the interesting facts... Divorce lawyers.. They get paid whether they win or lose. And divorce is an area that doesn't need referrals. So please beware. The longer your drag, the more they earn. And the tasks for them gets easier as the case drags (less affidavits which is a one time effort), but for you, it only gets tougher emotionally and financially daily (unless you've sound financial plans and savings catered specifically for divorce).

Now for a fact to verify for yourself. Judges are not ALL top students from law school, in fact, top law graduates would earn bigger bucks as a lawyer then joining the legal services. Outside court, they're human and have characters that you see day in day out. And if they're perfect, there wouldn't be a Appeal court. So it's like walking into a casino and hope you get a good judge... They're generally good, but you may meet one that's on a really bad day. Not sure what would turn out.


So...... DIVORCE early, DIVORCE now, until you find the right one. If you have kids, suck it up and accept life as it is. And if you accept life as it is, continue to sleep around but don't start an extramartial relationship.

Went thru the same motion as you, I filed for divorce as well against ex.
I totally agree with your comment on lawyers, bunch of suckers. My lawyer is currently an MP now , verbally said to charge me 8k for "everything" but eventually charged 10k. I refused to pay that 2k.

I cut the case short cos I thought of fighting the case over my child, eventually lawyer says I have very little chance of winning even though I had proof of her committing adultery. Wtf... So why made me fight the case even if they know I will loose ? Reason, they want to suck more money.

[kgbkgb]

Originally Posted by Wizard123

Thanks for all the replies.. One of it is to look at myself in the mirror and ask if I have been a good husband or daddy.. Frankly I do not know.. When the kids were younger, I bring them to park, swimming , ride bicycle and movies etc.. Now they are more interested in their computer games.. As a husband, again I do not know..I do help out in housework when I was doing normal office hour.. But now I do rotation shift, I am tired. I also do not want to touch her as she is fat n made no attempt to do anythIng about it. Also not willing take a job so that I can quit the shift work n do a office hour with lesser pay.. With these, I see her also no mood for anything.. Any woman comments .. It will be interestIng to see thing from the other side..

My heart goes out to you. I gather that u do want yr marriage to work, just that she's no longer appealing to u. I think it all begins with the relationship itself. She's probably feeling very distant from you after all these yrs of neglect. (U did say last sex was 2008?) Try having a better relationship with her and perhaps she may open up to u. Tell her it's important to have good relationship between spouses as u grow older so that U can rely on and support each other in old age. Try to engage her in more outdoor and sporting activities. Slowly introduce her to exercise programmes whereby both of u can participate together on the pretext that it's important to keep fit as u age. Try to hv more intimacy and sex to further boost yr relationship. Counselling might be helpful too. The worst thing in life is a miserable relationship with someone under the same roof. Do work on it ... good luck

[justawife]

I really sympathise with Xyberduke .... it is indeed very sad that things come to this and you are very right, the one who is suffering is your kid... so moral of the story, dont let it get this far... now really have no choice but to live day by day... but please try to do something worthwhile if you can... the very least you can do is to show your kid how you came through all this, set the best example, make your kid proud of you.

To all others, think carefully before marriage..

[Wizard123]

Thanks for all the advices. Sam correct or not

Tired of her giving excuses not to go for exercise or walk..

I think I have come to a conclusion.


1. No divource
2. She agree to monitor on the kids time on computer games.
3. Tighten her $$$ . Her iPhone is spoil, I will never buy another for her.
4. Look for woman comfort outside thru commercial, less complication, I am looking around for a quiet KTV where I can go, have a beer and chit chat with the KTV gers then give them tips..
5. Maybe next holiday I bring the kids without her. When I with the rest of the couple going for morning walk at club med. The fat bitch is sleeping.. For evening activities, she is fucking eating n drinking with fat woman gossiping about other guests.

[stone08]

Getting married is like lottery. If lucky, blissful marriage, unlucky , get fucked emotionally and financially, maybe finaccial hell for the rest of ur life. Men get hurt bad becuz woman charter sides with the women.

[Xyberduke]

Originally Posted by Wizard123

Thanks for all the advices. Sam correct or not

Tired of her giving excuses not to go for exercise or walk..

I think I have come to a conclusion.


1. No divource
2. She agree to monitor on the kids time on computer games.
3. Tighten her $$$ . Her iPhone is spoil, I will never buy another for her.
4. Look for woman comfort outside thru commercial, less complication, I am looking around for a quiet KTV where I can go, have a beer and chit chat with the KTV gers then give them tips..
5. Maybe next holiday I bring the kids without her. When I with the rest of the couple going for morning walk at club med. The fat bitch is sleeping.. For evening activities, she is fucking eating n drinking with fat woman gossiping about other guests.

hahaha... i'm actually going ktv once a month now to deplete anything extra from what i declared to the court.....

and my ex-wife is already receiving a healthy maintenance to finance her host bars visits thanks to the woman's charter... haiz... probably we can meet up and drink our sorrows away one day...

[ImmatureBoy]

Originally Posted by asdfghjkl

i want like 4, 5 times daily ler.. kekeke.. i told my 40+ buddy and he got upset at me..

can, u pvte msg me yr number hehehe

[Xyberduke]

Gentlemen,

Live with this fact, even if you're not married.

Before marriage, be faithful to your girlfriend, be devoted, and be very open about sex and try everything under the sun to have great sex.

After marriage, continue that in more intimate ways as you overcome her pyshological barrier with marriage (previously, your wife may not be sure if you're serious).

After kids, face the fact. Someone needs to look after the kids and provide parental care. You have to play a part too. BUT, guys are guys, if you contain all your sexual desire and your wife is tired after a day of looking after the kid, you'll soon grow tired of your wife and also create unnecessary tension.

Be intelligent, be very careful in planning, be very cautious about giving away your hp numbers (always keep this rule - "your handphone is a device that you don't mind sharing with your wife or leaving it in her hands" to gain trust and happinesss), have fun outside, don't go home or bath in an hotel for $20 for 3hrs if you smell of anything, and bring a fresh change of clothes with you.... if you have sex outside, always rest for an hour at least and be prepare for surprise sex when you reach home with your wife.

Have fun outside to fulfil your sexual desires, but never neglect your family so stay home during weekends and screw around on weekdays evening....

woman cannot stand a man going to such places, so never let them find out... but do know that there are lots of host bars sprunging up in singapore and they're almost full daily with women throwing thousand dollar flowers on them to get their nipples sucks, breast grooped.... and some women are only earning slightly more than a thousand and yet spending hundreds on gigolos at these hostbars.

there're more hostbars fullhouse daily than the ktvs here in Singapore. Don't believe, go and see for yourself.

[justawife]

Does that really mean that it is inevitable for a guy to stray after marriage eventually no matter what? What can a wife do to keep her husband by her side?

[5ag1_Boar]

Justawife,

You have to consider what kind of forum you are in right now. Most of the guys who frequent this forum stray... either with hookers, one-night-stands, FBs, flings or any combination of the afore-mentioned.

Are there guys who don't stray? I would say yes, and I think still not an endangered species, but you won't find them in here.

The question is how often, how deep we go (emotionally) and whether we still come home to be a good husband and father after our urges are satisfied.

For a husband that stays by your side, are you willing to accept that he may stray discretely, but always comes home to fulfil his duties as husband and father? He still loves you (the long term commitment type of love) and will never consider leaving you. To have some degree of the passionate love of dating days would be a bonus. Basically, he is a dutiful and loving husband and father and you have no reason to suspect he is straying and you adopt a "ignorance is bliss" attitude.

I don't mean that you should be pretend to be blind if there are any reasons to suspect that he is having an affair. Just saying that some otherwise faithful husbands do discretely seek out hookers, ONS and/or FBs to satisfy their urges, but emotionally they still love their wives and kids.

To keep your man by your side:
Stay attractive. We don't expect you to maintain the looks/figure that you had when we married you, but we greatly appreciate that you don't just let everything go.
We know you will inevitably put on some weight, but don't become obese.
Groom yourself: Keep your hair healthy, get a nice feminine hair-do, even if you want to cut it short for convenience. Brush your hair in the morning. Bedroom hair is feels-cosy when we wake up in bed together, but not throughout the whole day. Keep plucking/waxing/shaving your armpit/leg/arm hair (if we married you that way), and keep your other bush trimmed (if you don't wax or shave there).
Continue to dress nicely. I don't mean dressing to the nines all the time, but get clothes that compliment your new figure, not shapeless clothes that hide your body.

[To be continued...]

[stone08]

Not all men stray. Dunno what's the percentage though.. Anyone hazard a guess? 60%?

[justawife]

Hi 5ag1_Boar,

Thanks for your message. That's why I came here to find out reasons why men stray and I guess this forum has a lot of folks with "real-life" experiences.. cos that's the problem with me. I really find it unacceptable, whether emotional or not, to me its just a betrayal.. simple as that. My principles are I stay committed and I expect my partner to be the same... You can call it selfish but in the modern society, women contribute to the family as much as men if not more so isnt it right to expect the same sort of treatment? Anyway, having said that I do recognise that men has 2 heads so I am just wondering whether there is really anything a wife can do to keep their man... I want to try as hard as I can if eventually he still strays, I can safely say I tried...

BTW, the thing about staying attractive well .. people age naturally right.. when we get to 50s, really must go for Botox etc to keep our husbands meh?

[5ag1_Boar]

Originally Posted by 5ag1_Boar

Justawife,

...

To keep your man by your side:
Stay attractive. We don't expect you to maintain the looks/figure that you had when we married you, but we greatly appreciate that you don't just let everything go.
We know you will inevitably put on some weight, but don't become obese.
Groom yourself: Keep your hair healthy, get a nice feminine hair-do, even if you want to cut it short for convenience. Brush your hair in the morning. Bedroom hair is feels-cosy when we wake up in bed together, but not throughout the whole day. Keep plucking/waxing/shaving your armpit/leg/arm hair (if we married you that way), and keep your other bush trimmed (if you don't wax or shave there).
Continue to dress nicely. I don't mean dressing to the nines all the time, but get clothes that compliment your new figure, not shapeless clothes that hide your body.

...

Make love (or have sex) with your husband regularly. How often depends on both of you. If your sex drive differs, then talk and make a compromise that suits both of you. No doubt, over the years the sex may get boring, so do something to spice it up. Get sexy lingerie... or better yet, shop for lingerie with him, online or at the shops. Be open to explore what he wants to try. He still has to respect what is comfortable for you, but be open-minded to step out of your comfort zone a little.

Sex should never be a bargaining chip. (Actually, nothing in a marriage should be a bargaining chip). Don't withhold sex as punishment... granted that you may not be in the mood if you are upset with him, but that's different from wielding it as a punishment.

Men need to feel like men. In bed, in decision making, etc. Does not mean you must let him dominate you, just don't talk down to him or nag at him. Communicate with him, discuss matters with him, find out what he thinks about matters. Even if he has no opinion, it matters that you bothered to ask.

Don't forget to be a wife, even if you are busy being a mother. You probably have to spend more time being a mother (and him being a father), but for some time of each day or week, both must make time to be husband and wife.

All said, of course, guys must still play their part.

[asdfghjkl]

i was watching the 9PM show about different types of marriages.. geez.. scary sia!